Lance Mannion

From The Adventures of Lance Mannion: He Coulda Been a Contender

Mannion hit the canvass hard.  His right eye had already swollen shut.   "Stay down, kid!" Mickey yelled from their corner.  "Stay down!"  He knew the guys in the fancy suits in the front row were already counting their money.

Then he heard a voice.  Her voice.

Faint, hard to make out over the boos and catcalls.  But still hers.

He pushed himself to his feet and staggered forward.

WHAM!

Mannion went down again.

The crowd fell silent.  She called to him again and now he could hear her plainly.

"Tie your shoes, you idiot!"

From The Adventures of Lance Mannion: Lance Mannion and the Last Laugh

Mannion leapt back in horror as the snake slithered off the cot and out the tent into the night.  The moonlight streaming through the open flap revealed Carstairs lying on the mat, a ghastly grin frozen on his face.  Another one of the man's practical jokes had gone tragically awry.

From The Adventures of Lance Mannion: Lance Mannion and the Mystery of the Golden Coffin

Mannion had trouble getting his head around it.  The chimp had brought his own interpreter!  Mannion shrugged.  "I'm sorry for your loss," he said, "He was a good man."

The interpreter made signs at the chimp.  The chimp made signs back.

"Thank you," the interpreter said, interpreting, "He was a good man, and so generous."

The chimp signed again.

"He left me very well provided for," the interpeter said.  "He left me all the royalties from the Abbey Road album."

Every head in the receiving round snapped around to face Bubbles.  Mannion saw dollar signs light up in too many eyes and right then he knew he was in the company of a soon-to-be ex-primate.

From the unathorized biography

Mannion fired three short bursts from his tommy gun into the air.

"I said drop 'em!" he roared.

There came a rattling, clattering sound as twenty pieces of metal and plastic fell to the marble floor.

"You too," he said, pointing his gun at the guard.

The guard opened his hand and let his iPhone drop.

"That's better," Mannion said.  "This is a bank robbery.  We don't Twitter bank robberies."

The latest from the unauthorized biography

Mannion pulled the envelope back.  "One more thing," he said.

"But we've done everything you asked!" her husband wailed.

"She gives up her job," Mannion said.

"She gives up being governor?" Todd said.

"She's got another job?" Mannion said.

"Running for President," she said sadly.

Mannion smiled and tapped the envelope.  "Not anymore," he said.

More from the unauthorized biography of Lance Mannion

Mannion paid good money for that suit and he'd be damned if he'd go wading into the swamp no matter how pitiably Folsom called for help.  Then he remembered.  Folsom had the car keys.

Another chapter from the unauthorized biography of Lance Mannion

Mannion still remembered the first time they met and he thought back on that night with mixed emotions as he listened to the doctor tell him that the bullet had moved another millimeter closer to his heart and it might be time to operate, despite the risk.

From the unauthorized biography of Lance Mannion

Mannion knew he shouldn't have signed for the package.  Nothing his old school chum Humphries did ever led to anything good.   And now, with the police knocking at the door, it was clear that Humphries had stuck him with it again.