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Additional evidence, were it to be needed: In the surprisingly innocent film The 40-Year-Old Virgin, the main alienation of the main character is not from women: when finally meets The One, he knows it. He's alienated from Guy Culture. That's the real minefield he has to negotiate, and in fact the majority of their advice interferes with the development of a real relationship with the woman.


Remind me to send you a copy of my work-in-progress, Lance. I explain this, actually.


For your truck.


Lance, I think you're on to something regarding why guys want to be part of the group and not out on the figurative ice floe of rejection. It's like what women see every time they pick up a fashion magazine that tells them they're not thin enough, or pretty enough, or desirable enough. We yearn to be "normal," but too quickly leave it to others to define it for us.

minstrel hussain boy

(pick up truck is 1959 chevy apache, straight 6. not exactly a babe magnet, but it gets the job done)

my own personal epiphany with arranging breakfast company (when it wasn't calling in the morning and asking them to meet me at IHOP) came when around the age of 14 i looked in the mirror and realized that if i didn't learn how to play an electric guitar i was doomed to solitary breakfast forever.

guitars work well, but the harps work better.

Lance Mannion

Jim7, me want.

Actor, please send!

NYMary, I'm glad you brought up The 40 Year Old Virgin. I was going to try to work it in but then I realized it's been too long since I last saw it. I should go back and watch it again.

ChaCha, aren't tribes fun?

minstrel, you musicians. :) I used to watch guys like my roommate with amusement. I used to watch you guys with a mixture of admiration, amazement, and awe.


I have similar thoughts whenver I hear a George Thoroughgood song on the radio.

"I drink alone ... so I called my friend Jack Daniel's and his buddy Jimmy Beam."

"I'm bad to the bone."

"I got a cobra snake for a necktie."

I had a theory that George Thoroughgood was a closeted gay man, because his lyrics are all about impressing other men. No woman is gonna swoon for a guy who's on nickname terms with "Jimmy Beam" or who brags that he's so bad to the bone that he wears a snake for a necktie.

But maybe he's an insecure beta male who's trying to boast his way to alpha status.

minstrel hussain boy

Nice girls don't stay for breakfast
That's what they all say
From New York to Rome

Emily Post would surely say to her host
I've dug the evening the most
But please take me home

Nice girls don't stay for breakfast
And I'm a nice girl
You know that I am

If you're impressed
With these words I professed
I have just one small request

Pass the jam
Please pass the jam
Pass the jam

(from the greatest torch singer of them all, ladies and gen'lmens,

julie london)


Item: Some years ago, in one of Jane Goodall's chimpanzee bands, there was a low-status, hanger-on male who found a couple of empty gasoline cans and learned that he could make a tremendous racket by rushing to and fro while banging them together. This noise-making greatly increased his tribal status and thus, his attractiveness to females.

Item: It's my impression that most women are less likely to trust or desire a loner (with the possible exception of "bad boys").

These things seem relevant to what you're saying, although I'm not sure quite how to fit everything together. Maybe any sort of visibility is better than none.

Ken Muldrew

I think they're just jumping prematurely to the end-game. They want the action, and maybe (maybe) breakfast, but that's where they draw the line. So they're sending the message in advance that there will be no lovesick devotions. If it's going to take time, plenty of time, a whole lot of precious time..., then count them out. They'll try their luck elsewhere, thank you very much. And, they'll reason, isn't it far more noble to be honest about this than to deceive someone and then dump them after taking one's satisfaction?

Obviously a self-defeating strategy. So obvious that you couldn't imagine anyone falling into that trap in a million years. And yet ... ('my other toy has tits'!).

There is a tv show called Survivor where they set up a highly constrained contest intended to generate a range of social strategies with some mixture of empathy, ass-kissing, and merit. Kind of a pop "prisoner's dilemma" for social psychology. They take some liberties with fabricating stories by the selective editing of video, but one thing they never have to manufacture is the premature jump into end-game play (and it's tragic but inevitable consequence). It turns out that the more the contestants have watched earlier runs of the show, the more likely they are to concentrate on their end-game in an obviously self-defeating manner before they have even finished an opening gambit. People are suckers that way.


Bill Watterson never licensed any Calvin & Hobbes stuff, other than the books. It's more trouble than it's worth to go after the copyright violators, who set up asset-less shell corporations to take the hit if they do get sued.

Lance Mannion


Thanks for the info. That's good to know. I hate those decals.

paintedjaguar: Maybe any sort of visibility is better than none.

Actually, jaguar, I think you may be onto something. It might work. They might think, if I can just get their attention then I can figure it out from there.

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