Sharing a bottle of wine with the park rangers is strictly forbidden

Yesterday afternoon, in order to acquire the view over my head in the post card below, I parked the car in a small lot on the crest of a hill and hiked down the hill into a dell full of shade cast by ashes, sycamores, and elms, all blooming bright green.  Just on the other side of the parking lot’s wooden guard rail a couple had spread out blanket for a picnic on the top of the hill.  I didn’t see them when I pulled in because of the Park Ranger’s patrol car blocking the view.

The rangers must have driven up just ahead of me because the two of them, out of the car and standing there talking to the couple, had just begun a conversation with the picnickers.  I heard them finishing up with their good afternoons and beautiful day isn’t its as I swung around the far side of the patrol car heading for the path down the hill.

Now when I say “rangers,” you should think “cops,” because that’s what these two were, park police.  Young guys with pleasant enough demeanors but they wore guns and they stood in that legs apart, feet planted, hands on their belts way cops stand when they’re on a call and I don’t know why the couple weren’t immediately on their guard because if two cops approached me in that way my first thought would be “Oh oh,” and my first words would be “What did I do, officer?”

The couple asked the guys they saw as rangers if they’d like to join them.

“People are being awfully generous to us today,” one of the rangers said.

“What’s that your drinking?” the other ranger said. “Champagne?”

At that point the couple’s inner alarm must have gone off because I didn’t hear them offer the rangers a glass.  I was drifting out of earshot by that point though and the last thing I heard was one of the rangers saying, “All over the park.”

I glanced back over my shoulder and another patrol car had pulled up and a third ranger was approaching, hands on his belt.

I looked up the rules when I got home.

“The possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages is prohibited.”

So are roller blades, snowmobiles, and metal detectors.

You can’t launch any model rockets either.

You can, however, carry firearms, provided, of course, you comply with local, state, and federal laws.

“The role of the responsible gun owner is to know and obey the federal, state, and local laws appropriate to the park they are visiting.”

I proceeded down the hill, found an inviting-looking tree, made myself comfortable beneath it, and sat there for a couple of hours, complying with all local, state, and federal laws and obeying all the park rules.

Comments

[Crayolathief]

I'm currently rereading The Sun Also Rises and just passed the idyllic chapter where Jake and Bill cool their wine bottles in the stream while fishing in Burguete. Now all I can imagine is this scene revised for contemporary times, in which our heroes are fined for illegal consumption of alcohol, fishing without a license, and probably a trespassing charge thrown in for good measure.

[Ken Muldrew]

Allowing guns is a good idea because you never know when the British might attack, but what's the deal with rollerblades?

[mac macgillicuddy]

I think prohibiting alcohol is a good idea. Because when you have gun-toting picnickers, it's best to know they aren't likely to be toting under the influence, too.

[Linkmeister]

"Officer Obie, you're arrestin' me for litterin'?"

[Doug K]

it's witless to arrest people for champagne.. rowdy champagne drunks are not very likely. Still in our fine new world where everything not forbidden is compulsory, rules is rules and must be obeyed.

here's my story. We got married twice, once in a civil ceremony to get an Official Marriage License (since the priest was not an Official Issuer of Marriage Permits), once in church for real. After the civil ceremony, our best man & woman took us to the park to have a picnic with champagne. The Rangers came up to arrest us for drinking in public, listened sympathetically to the story then said, "OK but keep that bottle hidden". That of course was long ago, and in another country.