Lassie probably has a few choice words to say to Marmaduke

So I’m sitting here in Burger King because it’s here or McDonald’s as my only choices of places with free WiFi while I wait for the guys at the garage to fix the car and for the last twenty minutes I’ve been staring at the display of Marmaduke toys on the counter, trying to figure out why the four dogs on the top shelf are “Toys For Girls” while the four dogs on the bottom are “Toys For Boys.”

My first thought was that the dogs for girls are girls and the dogs for boys are boy dogs, and that struck me as unfair because it deprived little girls of having a Marmaduke, who after all is the only canine character in the comic strip and the movie any kid really cares about.

Plus, why would little kids care if their toy dogs were boy dogs or girl dogs?  They don’t care whether their real dogs are male or female.  Little boys and little girls love their dogs for the same reason adults love their dogs---dogs are always willing company and they love you for you not for what you are.  Kids love their dogs as their dogs.  They don’t love them as furrier versions of their human friends.  When you want to play with a dog in the way you play with your human kid friends, Butch will sit still while you serve the dolls and teddy bears tea and Queenie will track down and help you capture Stormtroopers and orcs.  But kids and their dogs do very little of that kind of playing together.

A joy of having a dog for your best friend is that dogs don’t expect you to relate to them as male or female.  They actually help little kids break free of stereotypical gender roles.  A little girl can run and get muddy with Butch or Queenie and a little boy can sit quietly with Queenie or Butch, cuddling and sharing his secrets.

With their dogs, whether they're male or female, kids, boys and girls, have to be both strong and active and gentle and affectionate.

Little boys teach each other how to be boys and little girls teach each other how to be girls.

Dogs teach us how to be…human.

Did the toymakers assume that the kids watching the Marmaduke movie were going to identify with the dog characters the way they identify with the dogs in All Dogs Go to Heaven or with Lady and Tramp?  They aren’t those kind of dog characters.  They aren’t people stand-ins.  They are dogs.  That’s the point about Marmaduke.  He’s too much dog.

Even if it was the case that these were Disneyesque dogs, I would think that any kid collecting the toys from, say, 101 Dalmatians, would want both Pongo and Perdita.  So why wouldn’t all kids want both Marmaduke and Jezebel?   Isn’t the object to get the complete set?

But it turns out that both sets include a Marmaduke.

The girls’ toys also include a Giuseppe and Mazie is one of the boys’ toys.

The boys’ Marmaduke is Pouncin’ Marmaduke, however, and the girls’ Marmaduke is Bone Catchin’ Marmaduke.

Meanwhile, the girls’ Giuseppe is Loungin’ Giuseppe and the boys’ Mazie is Turn ‘n Roll Mazie.  Boys also get Darting Lightning and Stick ‘N Move Bosco.  The girls get Cuddly Raisin and Comb ‘N Style Jezebel.

Ah ha!

The boys get the active dogs.  The girls get the passive dogs.

Pouncin’ being marginally more active than bone catchin’, I guess. 

The assumption behind the toys---anyway, I’m assuming it’s the assumption---is that girls want toys that are essentially dolls that they can take care of and boys want toys that are action figures.

I object to this!  I’m offended.

Not on feminist grounds alone or even mainly.

I object and I’m offended on collie-ist grounds!

Jezebel is a collie and who got it into their heads that collies are combin’ ‘n stylin’ dogs?

Quick.

World’s smartest dog?

World’s bravest dog?

What dog takes on bears to defend her human family, tracks down criminals, directs rescuers to collapsed mines where human children who didn’t listen to her warnings are trapped and shows the rescuers the way in and even helps pull the rope that haul the trapped children to the surface?

Think a dog who can jump a fence like that wants to sit around all day being combed and styled?

Besides, when it comes to combing and styling, Lassie could comb and style your hair---comb, style, cut, and shampoo your hair.  Probably give you a shave and a manicure too.

Woof woof!

What’s that, girl?  My roots are showing?

Woof!

I should try a lighter shade this time?

Woof!

You’re right.  A little too much red the last time.

Woof!

You’re the boss.  Comb and style away.

Woof woof woof!

Oh.  Ok.  You go tell them how to stop the oil gusher in the Gulf first.  I’ll wait.

Comments

[Janelle Dvorak]

You did know that all of the cinema Lassie's were really males, don't you? More luxuriant coats, more photogenic. ;)

[actor212]

All very true, Lance (except as Janelle points out, Lassie was always a boy dog...except maybe the last one. Somewhere in my dimmest memories I recall Rudd Weatherwax mentioning that, but I disgress...)

But...

BK probably had focus groups and reams of statistical data with respect to dogs and Marmaduke in particular to define precisely what dogs to include in boys and girls prizes.

Probably wrong and the underlying assumptions are probably biased to begin with, but they will tell you with a straight face "market research!"

[mac macgillicuddy]

The dog offerngs have nothing to do with the kids. They are sorted according to what PARENTS want, and rightly so. I don't want my boy playing with any sissy dogs!!!!

(And add an extra meat patty to his Kids Meal while you're at it.)

[chachabowl]

I remember many years back when McDonald's produced 101 DIFFERENT Dalmatian Happy Meal toys to tie into either the animated re-release or the live-action version rollout. Oh joy.

[GeoX]

...a Marmaduke, who after all is the only canine character in the comic strip and the movie any kid really cares about.

Whoa--are you implying that there are kids in this world who care about Marmaduke? That seems like a stretch.