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Mike Schilling

Sounds like a job for old One-shot Finch.


Rabid skunks are not much fun.


I do not like this story. Poor little raccccccccon.

byw, your byline about the romantic view and cops makes me chuckle everytime I read it.


... a lot of extra time on the target range.

It don't matter how much practice they get. Cops couldn't shoot straight to save their ass. Personally, I think we should adopt the English idea and take guns away from cops. Less collateral damage.



Don't sheriff's deputies count as cops? She nailed the critter with one shot. The second was just to make sure.


The Squirrel Story: Rutherford NJ.
My neighbors had a squirrel get into their chimmmey. They had a grated cover but a storm had blown it off center which left a tiny space for the rodent to enter. They were a very nice old couple and I don't think either of them could have ever harmed the creature, but they did agree that it had to be removed.

Their mistake was calling the cops.

After confirming that there was indeed a furry trespasser somewhere in the dirty chimmney one of the officers had what he thought was a great idea, which was to put some lit road flares in the fireplace and scare the littl guy out the top. While they were working out the details another car arrived for a total of 4 cops to remove a rodent. We kids stood outside and listened as the screaming started. See, they didn't let the Squirrel in on the plan and I guess he was just doing what squirrels do and didn't want to die. When he got a whiff of the smoke coming off the flares he tried to get out the top but probably couldn't find the opening. He was left only one option. He ran back down and out of the fireplace, as he did the flares caught his tail on fire. He ran up the drapes and the furniture and set the whole room on fire. The cops began blasting away an eventually the firemen came as well to put things right, hook and ladder and everything, for a rodent.

Eventually a fireman came out carrying a stick which had a small black lump on the end. Bye bye mister squirrel. Another job well done.
One more/same town.

There was a raccoon hit by a car and laying in the street injured. Someone called the cops. When they arrived they were thinking of taking the critter away but it had more then enough life to convince them otherwise. The first squad car waitied for a second because with rodents you always want backup. Actually the second car had what they called an "animal control" gun. This was not some tranquilizer gun but just a very small calliber weapon they used to put down animals. Bang bang bang and that raccoon was just smiling. There were people around and I guess the cops were getting pissed. One of them pulled his pistol and a much louder, Bang, Bang, Bang. Wounded but nowhere near dead. The cops got back in their car and ran the thing over a few more times. The crowd was not pleased but again, mission accomplished.

Ken Muldrew

My dog got sprayed by a skunk about a month ago. It was pretty dark out and when I saw the creature remain nonchalant as the dog ran up to it (as far as one can make out nonchalance in a barely-visible silhouette), I thought it was a porcupine (porcupines and coyotes are common on this route, badgers much less so, and skunks unheard of up until last month). After a lot of yelling, the dog returned to me. At first I was pretty happy that there were no yelps of pain from the quills, then I found out that the creature wasn't a porcupine.

Tomato juice works remarkably well (as long as you can lather it onto the dog faster than he can slurp it up), but it's sure a lot easier to wash a dog outdoors in the summertime. As well, skunk spray is substantially more unpleasant when emitted during a hibernation break than the summertime variety. The scent that remains in the air the next day is nice, but the immediate dose is more musty and quite overwhelming.

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