Lance Mannion's Fashion Help Line

A reader writes:

Dear Lance,

As some of my old friends can tell you, I've always been something of a fuddy-duddy on matters of dress dress and deportment.  For instance, and the reason I'm writing to you, I've long held the view that no man over the age of 35 who does not tend livestock, operate heavy machinery, handle power tools, or drive an eighteen-wheeler for a living should go out in public dressed in jeans if he can avoid it.

Except for the occasional necessary run to the hardware store or nursery, middle-aged men should take the time to put on a pair of decent slacks and a nice shirt before inflicting their silhouettes upon innocent passersby and fellow shoppers, diners, and movie-goers.  It sets a good example and encourages waitresses and store clerks to take you seriously and not giggle maliciously behind your love-handled back.

Since my own entrance into middle-age, I've tried to follow my own rule, even though I happen to look pretty good in a pair of well-worn Levi 501s, although frankly I'm a little tired of being whistled at by construction workers.

My problem is this:  Whenever I go out to the stores in my accustomed warm weather leisure-wear of khakis and polo shirt, I am apt to be mistaken by other shoppers for sales help.  I don't mind when this happens in restaurants as there's usually a tip in it, but at the drug store and video store it just leads to embarrassment on both sides.

Do you think I should ease up on my no jeans rule or should I consider switching to Hawaiian shirts?

In a sartorial quandry,

Lance.

Dear Lance,

I feel your pain.  Recently, while at Target, I was yelled at by one of the floor managers for not wearing my ID badge.

Do you live in one of the more temperate parts of the country?  Here in the Northeast, as the weather is cooling, I am switching to heavy shirts over t-shirts and as long as I stay out of lumber yards I'm usually left alone to shop by other customers.

Usually.  The fact is that you could be wearing a kimono, a cassock and surplice, gang colors, a deep-sea diving suit, or a wedding gown and as long as you look like you know where you're going in a store someone will come up to you and ask you if you can help them, even if there's a real clerk right there in the same aisle.  So you might as well keep your ensemble and forget the Hawaiian shirts.

I agree with you on the no jeans principle, although I assume you make an exception for when the jeans are worn with a really sharp-looking blazer.  Also, though your age limit of 35 is about right, I don't think it should be inflexible.  I'd say that the age limit should go down a year for every inch a man's waistline exceeds 38" and up a year for every inch less than that.  Height is a factor too.  A six-foot tall 41 year old with a 32 inch waist should have more leeway than a 5 foot 8 inch 30 year old with a 42 inch waist.

Lee-way.

Get it?

Lee Jeans?  Lee way?

Your friend in fashion,

Lance

Dear Lance,

I more or less agree with you and Lance on the subject of middle-aged men in jeans.  But I have a follow-up question.  What are your feelings about middle-aged women in jeans?

Glaring at you from across the room,

The blonde

Dear blonde,

Um...

Readers?

Help?

Remembering he has some work to do in the basement,

Lance

Comments

[Claire]

Lance, I disagree with your thoughts on jeans, but don't know how to help. Except, have you ever seen The Sartorialist? He has very stringent beliefs on cuff to jacket ratio. He has great street fashion shots. Don't expect to see me on his pages any day soon, but it's great eye candy.

[Reinder]

Phew. That got me worried for a bit, but if I'm doing my maths right, I'm good until I'm 43. After that I'll just have to start starving myself, I guess.

[Ken Houghton]

"I more or less agree with you and Lance on the subject of middle-aged men in jeans. But I have a follow-up question. What are your feelings about middle-aged women in jeans?

Glaring at you from across the room,"

If you tell her the truth about your feelings about (that specific) middle-aged woman in jeans, the basement might not necessarily be your next move.

[Mary]

No. Mom. Jeans. EVER. However, a pair of moderate low risers (waistband at or slightly below the navel) should look good on women of any age.

[Karen]

I have to say, I salute you, Lance. One of my favorite lines in Adam Gopnik's "Paris to the Moon" is his observation that you can always recognize Americans in Europe because they're the ones dressed like seven-year-olds. As Homer Simpson would say, "It's funny, because it's TRUE." As I walk the streets of my own fair metropolis, I am continually struck by the site of grown men dressed like characters from the Little Rascals: long denim shorts that reach midway down their calves, oversized t-shirts...what happened to the proud graduation to long pants? To men dressed like grown-ups? I, personally, am mystified, and considerably repulsed by these developments.

Me, I'm a middle-aged woman who spent her share of her teens and 20s dressing in extremely casual fashion, but who has now renounced the whole mutton-dressed-as-lamb phenomenon. Not least, granted, because an unfortunate weight gain has rendered the sight of me in trousers of any kind repugnant, but mostly because, well, I enjoy being an adult.

If the blonde can rock the jeans, though, more power to her. Just, for god's sake, don't wear them into Manhattan.

[KC45s]

Lance, I think you missed an opportunity here to really do it up right. Just a suggestion: next time rant against "dungarees" and favorably quote George Will's columns on the subject. And, if space allows, please address at what age I should start (1) using Bryl Cream and (2) exercising in black socks. We can get to bow ties later.

[K2]

The other Karen cracks me up. Here's the thing about ladies of a certain vintage in jeans -- if you can find a rise that is neither "Mom rise" nor butt crack-revealing when you bend over to tie your shoe, you can, with caution, go for it. In a dark rinse. With expensive shoes or boots. And no rips in the thighs. You must face that your days as a Metallica groupie are over forever.

[Linkmeister]

Um. I feel I should promote local industry, so here are a couple of sources of highly-popular Hawaiian shirts:

Reyns.

Tori Richards.

/s

Thomas Magnum

[catherine]

Please no Hawaiian shirts!

Lance, I agree with your age/height/weight calcs for men and jeans.

If a woman can rock (and I mean ROCK) the jeans then go for it, but PLEASE no mom jeans. Try a small to high heal or super cute sneakers (hint pumas or campers). Otherwise ladies, after 32 forget it.

[Avedon]

I disagree. You have completely missed the point of jeans. They're not about fashion. They're about practicality and comfort.

[Uncle Merlin]

Nothin' Hotter than a slim man in a crisp white tee shirt and broken in blue jeans. Remember Milner from "American Graffiti" walking in the junkyard?

Cowboy boots optional.

Remember I saw Lance in his Wallaby phase! They were glued to his feet.

[julia]

Just, for god's sake, don't wear them into Manhattan.

So you won't upset all the nice people from Ohio who live there now?

[grasshopperkm]

These fashion questions so rarely take budget into question. True, designer jeans can cost a ridiculous hundred dollars or more. But if you're making a concerted effort not to buy clothes since the ones you already own aren't totally worn out and they fit, well of course you'll look ridiculous. But quite likely, it's just me. With enough elan, maybe I really can absolutely rock my ten-year-old Gap, lightly bleached, regular fit. I am, however, a mom. Therefore, I rarely leave the house--and when I do sunglasses, a big hat, and multiple scarves come with me.

[Allienne Goddard]

Yeah. And what about the kids today with their Rock-n-Roll music? Hoodlums, I tells ya!

[Connie]

How 'bout that. I just posted something written by Steve and linked his "friends" comment to you. Following the link, I stayed to read for a bit - and found your link "old friends". Awwww, you guys...

[cali]

OK, yeah, persons of any and all genders should probably avoid wearing jeans in public if they have large bellies. However, I don't care what the size of your waistline is if you wear white tennis shoes with your jeans. No, just no.