Studio 60: Last dance, last chance, for romance and love while live-blogging on the Sunset Strip

Well, folks, here we are at last.  The final episode and our last live-blogging together of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

No.  No tears.  No tears.

This is a happy occasion.  We're here to celebrate not to mourn.  And we have so much to celebrate.  The fact that Aaron Sorkin is free of this albatross round his neck and can now move on to other projects that will engage his considerable talents more than Studio 60 obviously did.  The fact that Sarah Paulson now knows never to try comedy again.  The fact that we will never, ever, ever again have to hear Ed Asner say Macao.

True, there are losses.  Probably there are no network executives anywhere like Jack Rudolph, Action Executive, which means that there's probably nobody with the brains and the clout to bring back Jack in his own show.  Matt Albi is probably as far from Chandler Bing as Hollywood will ever let Matthew Perry wander, which means that he will never have a part as good again.   And unless he makes a surprise guest appearance tonight, we wasted an entire television season waiting for the return of the mighty Judd Hirsch.

But let us stay focused on the object of tonight's live-blogging.

Getting drunk.

I'm pretty far gone already myself.  I'm not quite in Jack Rudolph territory yet.  But there's an hour of Matt and Harriet singing their love duet ahead of so I expect to be well toasted by the second commerical break.

So, quick, call over your waitresses and order your favorites.  Our bartender's been told not to use any of the cheap stuff and to go easy on the water and soda.

One quick announcement before we begin, though.

There's a rumor going around that I and Aaron Sorkin are the same person and that this whole live-blogging thing has been a way for me/Sorkin to internalize the complaints of all the critics and erstwhile fans and try to work out the intellectual, artistic, and pyschological issues that have got in the way of my/his ability to realize the promise of Studio 60.

That would explain a lot.  For instance, I've obviously been so busy writing about Studio 60 that I haven't had the time or energy to actually write Studio 60's scripts.  All I've been able to do is write the same script over and over again with minor variations, which is how I managed to write a three part episode that moved the ball of the plot from point A to...point A.

It's not true, folks.

I am not Aaron Sorkin.  I mean, look at me.  The white guy Afro.  The shirt unbuttoned to my sternum.  The missing jacket and undone bow tie.  The elephant bell bottoms.  The sweat.

Come on, kids, isn't it obvious?

I'm tonight's special musical guest, Tom Jones.

What's new, pussycat?

Kidding.

I'm not Tom Jones.  I just have Tom Jones Syndrome.  I can't stop singing his songs.  I went to my doctor and told him.  Doc, I said, I can't stop singing What's New Pussycat.  The doc said, Son, you have Tom Jones Syndrome.  I said, is that rare?  He said, well, it's not unusual.

Rim shot.

And with that, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to start our engines.  Live blogging will begin at 9:55.

9:59.  The Office is on.  I forgot.  It's Thursday.  I'm used to doing this on Mondays.  I expected to see Heroes at this point.  I spent the last five minutes waiting for Steve Carrell's superpower to manifest itself.

I probably won't go see License to Wed.

Here we go.  Right now, here on NBC.

"What kind of day has it been?"

Sorkin doesn't really want to know, does he?

Danny and Matt do a great job of ignoring Harriet.  What's their secret?

That's my daughter?

Wow?

Danny feels like a man because he's the father of a baby he didn't actually father?

10:03  They are good together, though.  Matt and Danny, Matthew and Brad.  Good rapport.

I like the name.  Baby Girl McDeer.  And what's wrong if she grows up to be a stripper.  A noble profession.

Ok, rapport or no rapport, we're about seven exchanges past the point when this scene should have ended.

Dire straits for Jordan.

Opening credits with one name credited.  Sorkin's.

Ken Levine would say Studio 60 needs a theme song.  Any suggestions?  What songs were on Hillary's short list?

10:09   Why are we having a concert for Diana?  What anniversary am I missing?

10:10.  Aaron Sorkin thinks we all have short term memory problems.  Danny just recapped to Harriet the plot of the last three episodes, which was recapped in the scene between Matt and Danny.

Go army guy.  Tell Tom to shove it.

Though Tom is showing more grit than he's ever showed.

No grit?  Tom Jeter?  Not much.

10:15.  DL Hughley is trying too hard to hold the screen with Steven Weber.

Relax, DL.  That's how Steve does it.

Wait!  Wait!

Are they about to recap the last three episodes again?

Another flashback?????????????????????

This is K and R Part IV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I forgot.  Do we like Luke at all?

10:20.  We're not going to get a surprise guest appearance by the mighty Judd Hirsch, I know it.

I thought AT&T had turned into Cingular.  I have to keep up with my corporate mergers.  Doesn't matter.  I don't get reception of either one here.

Bill Parcels is working a toll booth?  But didn't his team win the Super Bowl?

Every ad using sports figures makes them look like they've all just snapped a tendon.  The face of victory is the same as the face of extreme morphine-demanding pain.

Age of Love, huh?  That looks interesting.

Happy 21st Wedding Anniversary to Tom and Beryl Watson!

Matt's not an angry young man.

He's a dyspeptic, irritable middle-aged man with a persecution complex.

10:27.  I love the way Weber delivered that honorable guys speech.  And the hand across the brow on honorable guys?  Waving away Simon's supposed idealism.  Brilliant.  What a beautiful portrayal of cynicism.

Sorkin puts in another plug for writers like Sorkin.  Matt is the show.   So this is definitely not SNL.  Or Second City.  Or even Mad TV.  On those shows the cast had a little bit to do with making those shows funny.

Love is never enough.

Are Harriet and Danny talking now or five years ago?

OK.  Mary the Lawyer's involved.  It's now.

10:31.  Karen Silkwood!  Hooray!  Tonight's winner of the Tom Watson Memorial Award for Most Egregiously Out of Date Pop Culture Reference is Danny for Silkwood!

Please, folks, if you care for me at all, don't let me get an iPhone!

There was just an ad for a pizza joint.  Now I want a pizza.

10:37.  Oh, good, we do get to see Amanda Peet.

Baby moment.  Everybody say Awwwwwwww.

10:38.  Irony.  She had the papers ready already.

I like this doctor.  "Yeah, this kid's not going to be under any pressure at home."

Wasn't he strung out the first time they met?

"Hey, this guy is cute when he's flying.  I want him to be the daddy to my babies so he can teach them where to score drugs!"

Drippy piano music.  I mean that.  Literally drippy.  It sounds like rain.  Shrinks play it in their offices to help their patients relax and remember their potty training and the time they saw mommy and daddy "playing."

10:43.  Wes is an empty shirt?  Wes is an empty shirt?  Does that mean the speech that opened the series was pure bullshit?

10:45.  Tom's brother appears again to interrupt our fun.  Life is stern and earnest, says Aaron Sorkin, don't forget our troops.  Don't notice that I distracted you from the Tom plot with the sentimental Danny and Jordan scene followed by the comic scene between Jack and Simon.

A Cialis ad.

I don't like the implications of that.  I feel that I'm in the show's demographic target.  Don't mention ED around me.  It's a jinx.

Wimbledon. Now I get it.  NBC's going to England to cover Wimbledon.  That's why the Prince Harry and William and Princess Di stuff.

10:49.  Happy ending for Tom's brother.  Cheap.  Of course whatever way the plotline ended would have been cheap, because there was no good reason to bring it in to the show except to score cheap points or grab cheap tears.

More rain music.  I'm drifting.  I remember it all now.  I was climbing up on the counter...

What gives Harriet the right to say she's the one person?

Hasn't their problem been that she is obviously not the one person?

Finally!  Aaron and Kristen are back together.

Oh...

Sorry.

"Do you have any problem with Harriet and me?"  Very professional.

Matt and Harriet get to continue their whatever it is they have, but Lucy can't go to Germany with Tom?  Unfair, Danny!  Unfair.  Besides, why does he need Lucy.  Matt writes all the sketches.  Does she have to stay in the country to mope?

Damn.  This show could have been so good.

The clock.  Yep.  Had to end with the clock.

And I'm not live blogging Journeyman.  No way.

I might as well live blog the DVDs of Quantum Leap.

11:00.  And we're done.  Our clock won't reset.  It's over.  Goodbye, Studio 60.

Folks, it's all over.  A happy ending for everybody, except Lucy, who can't go to Germany because she has to stay in LA to mope while Matt writes every line of every sketch.

Thank you all for stopping by.  Thanks especially to all our guest hosts, Shakes, Jennifer and Grizzled, Ned, Ken Houghton, and our triple-threat action blogger, Pen Elayne.

Lights are going out.  We've time for one last round, one last dance, and one last song from our special musical guest.

Goodnight, everybody!

Comments

[Jennifer]

I think we all need a morphine drip for the remainder of the show.

[Jim Tourtelott]

"I'll be here having a concussion" is the first marginally funny line Paulson's ever delivered.

[Ken Houghton]

Harriet ("I'll just sit here with a concussion") speaks for the viewer. And I've only had a glass of wine.

That's NEOnatal-ICU, as anyone who has ever had a kid there will never f*ck*ng forget; clearly, Sorkin's research is up to its usual standards.

No one else wants to take the blame.

Transformers opens Tuesday; why?

[Jim Tourtelott]

It would be Diana's 46th birthday. Okay, I don't understand why, either. But it would be her 46th birthday.

[Ken Houghton]

NOW I know why Whitford's doing this show.

[Ken Houghton]

My soundtrack for tonight is the Shelley Hirsch track on this disc (disc 2, track 8).

[Elayne Riggs]

Jack Rudolph, Divorced Action Executive!

[Jennifer]

When you write a show like this, you should say you're sorry a lot.

[Ken Houghton]

Jack Rudolph, Action Divorc-ay.

[Jennifer]

I still think Jack Rudolph, Action Executive needs to have a Christmas special ala Dean Martin.

[Elayne Riggs]

"Orange Alert?" Were they even doing that five years ago?

[Ken Houghton]

Matthew. What verse? 28:20?

[Tom W.]

Lance, a very quick check-in - not for the series, but for the institution of "blogging it live." Which, I'll add, you never did here. Sure, Sorkin's uninteresting show about an unfunny comedy show formed a backbone of sorts to what went on here. But it was really unimportant - the live-blogging of S60 was a place for bloggers and commenters of a certain vintage (boomers) could gather an exchange banter - oh how so many of us miss real banter in daily life.

In any case, today is my 21st wedding anniversary and I'm checking in from a hotel room for all five of us in Clan Watson (happy anniversary) after hours of traffic on I-95 fighting our way down to Colonial Williamsburg. Farewell, live-blogging!

[Jennifer]

Harriet's superior. She's been superior through the entire damn show.

[Ken Houghton]

No, Elayne. As I said about Sorkin's research skills.

[Elayne Riggs]

Happy anniversary, Tom! Surely you could spend it a better way. :)

[Ken Houghton]

Luke p*ss*s away money out of spite, so probably not. (Unlike Matt, who p*ss*s it away because he thinks DolphinGirl is Worth Winning, which the last scene rather disproved.)

This would have been a much better show with Amanda Peet and Sarah Paulson switching places.

[Ken Houghton]

what Elayne Said, TomW. Stop by William & Mary, as see if there is a Jon Stewart memorial dorm room.

[Jim Tourtelott]

This would have been a much better show if Aaron Sorkin didn't hate Kristen Chenoweth's guts, and if he had any clue what her talent was.

[Ken Houghton]

we like Suzanne.

[Elayne Riggs]

I bet Wes actually fired Matt, and Matt's not saying.

[Ken Houghton]

Cingular/SBC bought AT&T, but kept the AT&T name.

I don't have a clue what KC's talent is either--and I've seen her in almost every medium.

[Ken Houghton]

I take back what I said about Whitford.

[Ken Houghton]

And take back the take-back, as he does his best Mitt Romney imitation.

[Elayne Riggs]

Lots of decisions are made in the two minutes it takes Sorkin's characters to walk down corridors!

[Ken Houghton]

I'd rather he was Shoveling Shit in Louisiana.

[Ken Houghton]

I'm not talking about her stage presence either, but KC has more.

[Elayne Riggs]

"Painkillers and vodka." Isn't that what we're supposed to be ordering from the bar tonight, Lance?

[Elayne Riggs]

"Oh God, come on." Yeah, my husband just expressed similar sentiments.

[Ken Houghton]

Wal-Mart and L'Oreal -- I think I'm the wrong demographic for this show. Time to go JR, AE.

[Anthony Cartouche]

Any chance we'll get one more look at the Nicolas Cage show?

[Ken Houghton]

They've got the NYT piece about how those guys who flew at the wrong attitude and killed 200 people--oh, sorry, about how their passengers survived--highlighted.

Who at the WSJ/WaPo/LATimes paid for the NYT to be featured in that ad?

[Elayne Riggs]

Re: the McDonald's ad -- it's true, everyone's using thought balloons now EXCEPT comics...

[Elayne Riggs]

Hang on, she drew up adoption papers the minute she met Matt for a baby she didn't know she was pregnant with yet? My head hurts.

[Ken Houghton]

Kill her, or profile her from the wrong side? Decisions, decisions.

Becca Tripp.

[Ken Houghton]

We're about to beat the Silkwood reference...I fear.

[Elayne Riggs]

Oh, I'm so jealous of Jack Rudolph, Action Executive's drunkenness!

[Ken Houghton]

can we have the blacklisted writer from, like, episode five appear again, please?

[Elayne Riggs]

Damn, a perfectly good promised drunken fisticuffs ruined by a perfectly bad promise of plot movement! Naturally we need to go to commercial.

[Ken Houghton]

Yes, the speech that opened the series was pure bullshit. We thought you knew that.

[Anthony Cartouche]

I gave up booze during the Reagan administration and this show makes me want to get drunker than Jack Rudolph.

[Ken Houghton]

I am so there for Order of the Phoenix. Not so much for the Jill Sobule-knockoff singing verse 1.

[Jim Tourtelott]

Hey, where the hell is Busfield? Busfield and Webber have been the only reasons to watch this mess for months, and he doesn't get a scene in the finale?

[Ken Houghton]

"healthy enough for sexual activity" and "Don't drink alcohol TO EXCESS with Cialis."

[Ken Houghton]

Take down PCP?

[Culture of Truth]

They rescued his brother.

Call me less than shocked.

[Ken Houghton]

Lance has the same commercials I do, I see.

And, after trashing the military, Tom is about to get down on his knees Grenada-style— but JR, AE, Saves the Day.

Oh, sh*t.

[Elayne Riggs]

Yeah, happy endings are cheap and easy, but screw it. I'd rather it ended this way than with the screen going to black.

[Culture of Truth]

Shit. I was hoping it actually was God.

What a great way to end a tv series.

[Ken Houghton]

Are you reconsidering that, Elayne?