In the meme time, in between time, ain't we got fun?

Almost there at last.  Everybody but Victoria has checked in.  Scroll down.

So, I'm standing here, minding my own business, watching the clouds passing by, when suddenly up runs Susie Madrak and she slaps me with a meme.

Hard.

When I finally come to and manage to climb to my feet, the stars still spinning around my head, along comes Catherine from Poverty Barn and she whacks me with the same meme from the other side.

Ok, I'm willing to play along.  Hadn't been memed in a while anyway.  And now that the swelling has gone down and my vision has cleared up, I'm ready to tackle this thing.

Rules are pretty straightforward.  List eight random facts about yourself.  Sounds simple enough, except that there aren't any facts about me to list, nevermind eight.  There are some baseless rumors, some idle speculation, plenty of innuendos, and all kinds of misperceptions.  But facts?

Let's see what I got.

1.  When I was in college I almost got a job as an announcer on a classical music station.  I came this close.  My life would have gone an entirely different direction if I'd gotten that job.  I wouldn't have met the blonde, for starters.  But while I could handle the Germans, the Russians, the Italians, I couldn't pronounce the names of the French composers or the titles of their works.  Every time I tried I sounded like Inspector Clouseau. 

That same year I was almost hired at another station as a rock and roll DJ but I couldn't pronounce the name of the band Roger Daltrey was the lead singer for.

2.  I hate summer.  Hate it.  It's not just my least favorite season.  It's three months of hell for me.  I can't stand the heat, I can't stand the humidity, I can't stand the way the light strikes and the shadows fall in late afternoon, and I can't stand it that it doesn't get dark until after 9 PM.  I hate all the yard work that summer brings on.  I hate spending most of the day breathing air conditioned air.  Seriously, I spend more time outside in the coldest winters than I do in the mildest summers.  I especially hate the way the days drag but time still flies.

And I really, really, really hate it that the rest of you are out enjoying yourselves while I'm suffering so miserably.

3.  The one realistic sexual fantasy that I have never fulfilled is going to bed with a woman taller than me.

Would-be wish-fulfillers please note.  I am 6 feet tall.

Please also note, the blonde has a tendency to blame the other woman in these cases and she's been known to resort to violence.

4.   Although I hate mush, I can be a romantic devil, if I have to be.  Flowers, sweet nothings in the ear, surprise compliments, candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach, dinners on the beach and long walks by candlelight, the whole deal.

Any doubting Thomasinas who want to test me on this should scroll back up to number 3 and look at the last note.

5.  If I had it to do all over again I'd be a photographer.

6.  I'm planning to grow my beard back next month.  I have it marked on the calender.  July 9:  Don't shave.  July 10:  Don't shave.  July 11:  Don't shave and don't expect the blonde to kiss you again for the next 14 days.  July 12:  Don't shave.  July 13: Don't...You get the idea.

Unfortunately, the calender also says July 25:  Look in the mirror, realize you look more like Richardson the feeble-minded hotel cook on Deadwood than like Sean Connery in Outland, and reach for the scissors.

7.  I liked Shemp.

8.  It looks like I'll be live-blogging the final episode of Studio 60 myself.

There.

Now I'm supposed to tag eight more people.

The lucky winners are:

Jennifer. (Done.)
Juno. (Done.)
Thomas at Mile Zero. (Done.)
JC at Out of Context Radio. (Done.)
The Linkmeister. (Done.)
The Boy. (Done.)
Victoria.
The Viscount. (Done.)

Here are the rules:  Eight random facts or interesting lies about yourself.  Send me the link to your post when you're done.  Tag 8 more people.  Drop a comment on their blog to let them know they've been tagged.  Don't sit by your maibox waiting for thank you notes from those you've tagged.

Now, for everybody else who wants to play along.  I'm making up some new rules.  In the comments here leave up to 8 random "facts" you have deduced ABOUT ME from reading this blog.  None of these facts have to be true or even close to true.  They can be wild guesses or things you wish were true or baseless slanders you want spread across the internet to ruin my life and reputation.

Have at it.

Comments

[Mike Schilling]

I couldn't pronounce the name of the band Roger Daltry was the lead singer for.

Just be sure they're on first.

[Linkmeister]

Oh, Mike, I don't know.

Lance, you miserable meme-passing blob of protoplasm, I'll get you for this.

[Ken Houghton]

1) Lance is now related to TNH at Making Light.

2) Lance really wants to move back to Indiana. Or perhaps to Oklahoma. Not Arizona. What does it matter?

3) Lance will recognize the song, as well as the band that made it famous, referenced in #2, as they are his second-favorite band after The Monkees.

4) Lance's career goal, until he married The Blonde, was to be a movie projectionist. This was "inspired by" Night of the Comet.

5) Lance had never heard that band's version of the theme song to "Batman."

6) Lance's favorite store in NYC is Otherworldly Waxes.

7) Lance, as with Emily Joffe, cannot count to eight and therefore won't notice that I called this the seventh entry.

8) Lance, due to his #8, is My Hero, because it means I can watch Burn Notice or Hour 97 of The Starter Wife tomorrow night at 10 and not miss anything.

[Jennifer]

KH- The Jackson Five or Three Dog Night??

Lance, I still think you're in prison. :)

[Linkmeister]

Done, you rat.

[catherine]

Thanks for playing, Lance. I prefer Mo.

[Joh Padgett]

Ive decided to make up some facts that in my infinite wisdom I have deduced from reading this post.

1. Lance secretly loves summertime because he gets to go shirtless in public while taunting The Blonde by rubbing his nipples and in a sing-song voice saying to her "Youuu can't do thiiiiiis"

2. Lance wants to be a pirate and is just waiting on a sale on frilly shirts before he buys one and hijacks a houseboat from Long Island Sound.

3. Lance secretly voted for Bush/Cheney for the express purpose of irritating himself because he was traumatized by Droopy cartoons as a child and John Kerry reminded him of the cartoon dog.

4. Lance eats lots of cheese so that he never has to shit on the floor. Because we all know either you eat cheese or shit on the floor.

5. Lance visits the Hoosier state as often as possible because he loves him some fried pork tenderloins and deep fried Snickers.

6. Lance is a member of the Biderbergers and Council on Foreign Relations and is charged with a major project in the New World Order takeover plan. His job is to recruit soldiers to the cause by writing this blog and embedding secret messages in the HTML code of his website that his NWO minions he is responsible for use to carry out attacks against the government.

7. Lance kicks small children and elderly ladies in the butt whenever he gets a chance "for shits and giggles" as he puts it.

8. Lance is actually Condoleeza Rice's pen name and he doesn't exist.

[Jim]

I'm so glad to find someone else who hates summer, up to and especially the light. A lot of people don't like the heat, but you're only the third person I know of who will throw the light in. Also, I'm in the Rockies, where it looks like we're looking still another year of record drought (and thus forest-fires) but I'm still surrounded by nitwits chirping about how wonderful all this sunshine (and temps ten-twenty degrees above average) is. Just salt in my wounds.

And at least you have AC. I have to listen to: screaming children, weed-whackers, the radio of the painters three doors down, hummingbird-sized bees bouncing off my window screens...

If I could sleep till September 15, I would.

[OutOfContext]

I have done your bidding meme-sahib.

[The Boy]

Done and done.
http://goodnonsense.blogspot.com/2007/06/ugh.html

Random fact: Lance Mannion = Aaron Sorkin.

[Thomas]

Done and done.

[Lance]

Joh, I know you thought you were kidding around but one of your "made-up" facts about me turns out to be an actual fact. You've stumbled upon a truth, and it's a truth I can't let the world know. For that you must pay the price. I've dispatched my evil henchman. Settle your affairs.

[Joh Padgett]

"Joh, I know you thought you were kidding around but one of your "made-up" facts about me turns out to be an actual fact. You've stumbled upon a truth, and it's a truth I can't let the world know. For that you must pay the price. I've dispatched my evil henchman. Settle your affairs." - Lance

It's the tenderloins and fried Snickers, I know. I live in Indianapolis, I've seen you at the Indiana State Fair in line for those. I bought the deep fried Reese's in front of you, while chomping on an elephant ear. You know they screwed everything up for this year, right? They're going transfat free for this year's State Fair. Damnit, man! Damnit all to hell!

[anita]

i think it's #3 ...

[Juno]

There goes the morning.....

[Juno]

Done.
http://enchantingjuno.typepad.com/knit/2007/06/8-things.html

[burritoboy]

As a fellow true hater of summer, I have conclusively solved the problem by moving to San Francisco: we don't have summers here - the fog starts coming in at around 5-6pm and the tempature drops to just above freezing.

[The Viscount]

Sorry this took so long - I've been away from blogging for the last few days. I got double-tagged by you AND Jeremy, so I am deeply flattered.