Inconsistencies on my road to damnation

Easter greetings from Mother and Father Blonde's family funny farm.

Actually, greetings from the Barnes and Noble near Mother and Father Blonde's where the teenager and I have sneaked off to in order to escape the inevitable clash of wills and cooking styles as the blonde, Sister Blonde, and Mother Blonde sqaure off in Mother Blonde's galley-sized kitchen over the best way to prepare the ham while Father Blonde cowers behind the sports pages of the Philadelphia Inquirer bemoaning the Phillies' dismal 0 for 5 record and Ryan Howard's season-opening slump.

(Correction thanks to Vadroner:  As of this afternoon when I wrote that last sentence the Phils were 1 and 4.  As of tonight, though, they are now 1 and 5.  But Howard had two hits today, including a two-run double, so maybe he's shaking it off.)

Left by himself to guard the asylum, the 11 year old's probably holed up in his bedroom with his comic books praying for the early arrival of his cousins to save him.

I don't feel guilty for making this escape.  I'm keeping a promise to the teenager who looks forward to these father and son trips to B and N although as soon as we cross the threshold he disappears into the stacks not to be seen again until it's time to leave and I've gone searching for him and dug him out from under the stack of 20 or 30 books he's buried himself beneath in the most comfortable armchair he could find.  Still, he regards these trips as precious moments of bonding and I am glad to play along.

Nothing like peace and tranquility will greet us when we return to the farm.  The Blonde Family is a raucous and gregarious lot.  But the ham will be on the table and all will be jollility and good fellowship.

I've lost track of how many hams Mother Blonde has served up over the many Easters we've been coming here.  I look forward to our Easter visits, although I dread Easter mornings here as there is absolutely no getting out of going to church for me.  A pew full of her children, their spouses, and her grandchildren is Mother Blonde's fondest dream on the big holidays and she never gets it as one or the other of her children's families is always elsewhere, so when we're visiting I feel obligated to help give her as much of her dream as the four of us can manage to contribute.

Mass seemed to pass quickly and painlessly.  I was told afterwards that the sermon was boring and the soloist with the choir was overloud and off-key.  Didn't hear either myself.  I was too busy blogging, I guess.

Yep.  Bless me, father, for I have sinned.  I blogged during Easter mass.

I've always done some of my best blogging in church.  I can blog anywhere and everywhere. In fact, I was blogging in church before there were blogs.  I have the world's  cheapest, quietest Blackberry---you can't hear me hitting the keys because it doesn't have keys---and I've been blogging away on it for years.

All mass long I was scribbling away and I wasn't bored by the sermon and didn't suffer the screechings of the off-key choirist.

The post I wrote isn't quite finished.  Check back tomorrow.

I did come back to earth a couple of times during mass and looked down the pew to see that the thirteen year old had his missal open and was saying his prayers while the eleven year old yawned hugely and lookedbored to tears.  Both sights warmed my heart.

Regular readers know that I have a rather angry relationship with the Church these days and there's a bit of a cold wind blowing between me and God as well.  In fact, He and I haven't been on speaking terms for a while now.  We've had falling outs before, but this time I've decided it's up to Him to patch things up.  I'm tired of being the one who has to make the first move.

But I keep this to myself around the house.  I promised the blonde we would raise the kids Catholic and that's what we're doing, hopefully minus the guilt.   The blonde is hardly ramming the catechism down their throats.  Catholic is as Catholic does and there are plenty of papists who'd argue that the blonde isn't a good Catholic herself and boy would I love to see one of them say it to her face.  Nothing funnier than an Opus Dei would-be patriarch type lying flat on his back with a blossoming shiner closing up his eye and a look on his face that says, Anybody get the license on that truck?

At any rate, the boys have each seemed to reach their own conclusions about religion.  The teenager's a believer and the eleven year old's an atheist, has been since first grade.  And oddly I'm glad for both of them.

The paths they've chosen for themselves each seems right for them.

The thirteen year old needs God and whatever help he thinks he gets from Him and it's for his sake I am impatient with anyone who dismisses religion as a crutch---we're all walking wounded and there's none of us who doesn't make use of something to lean on as we limp our painful ways along.

The eleven year old is of a skeptical and scientific bent.  He doesn't see the point of asking questions that have no answers except Because; as a matter of fact, he's pretty sure that any question that has Because as the answer has been phrased wrong or the person answering it that way is talking through their hat.  I'm hoping this attitude leads him into med school, but it might lead him into a courtroom---he'll be the one carrying the briefcase, thank you---or into a studio or onto a stage or it will just always take him around the riverbend to see what's there.

If there is a God, I believe there are two ways to get to him.  One is the way of the saint.  Very few of those around and almost none of them are on TV calling themselves Christians and professing to speak for God.

The other way is the way I think he must prefer since it's the way that makes the best use of the big brains He gave us.

If there's a God, I believe He gave us one commandment.

"Come find me."

And there are only two types of people I see following that one as their vocation.

Artists and scientists.

Because if He's here to be found, He's here in the things He made and we're not going to find Him in them until we've figured them out, which we're a long way from doing.

Time to go back to the farm.  Ham must be about ready.

Happy Easter if today's Easter for you.  Happy Passover if your holy days are continuing.  Jollility and good fellowship to all of you whatever today means to you.

Comments

[Rosy]

Lance, I really enjoyed your post today. Happy Easter to you and yours.

[Vadranor]

The Phillies won the first game of the series with the Marlins, so change 0-5 to 1-4.

[lina]

"Because if He's here to be found, He's here in the things He made and we're not going to find Him in them until we've figured them out, which we're a long way from doing."

Nonsense.

If we had to figure things out, we'd never find Him/Her.

However, I very much like your commandment.

If there is no God, sometimes it's necessary to invent one.

Happy Easter to you too.

[Nance]

Lance, I missed you during "The Ten Commandments" last night. How did I end up married to someone who couldn't appreciate it?

[Lance]

Nance,

You opted for a guy who could hang wallboard, lay tile, and re-plumb a bathroom instead. Your loss.

[sfmike]

That's a beautiful piece of writing.

So let me wreck it with a slightly off-topic comment. Why is "The Ten Commandments" the Easter special on network television every year? In case nobody has noticed, the story of "Moses, Moses, you mad impetuous fool" (a la Anne Baxter in one of her campiest moments) is The Passover Tale, not The Death and Resurrection of Jesus Tale. I mean, why not "Ben-Hur" as the Annual Easter Special instead since it fits the season?

The same is true of Handel's "Messiah" being a Christmas tradition rather than an Easter one, which it should be, since it tells the tale of Christ right up through sad/happy ending, with him being crucified and resurrected. We can't even get our religious kitsch right somehow.

[Jennifer]

Did that notebook say, "Posy carl"?

Nice post.

[Claire]

Lovely post, Lance.

For Easter I saw "The Wind that Shakes the Barley," which was good but bleak. Interesting way to celebrate by watching a movie that shows the terrible things humans do to each other.

[Kevin Wolf]

There's almost too much to comment on in this post, especially for this resolute ex-Catholic. My niece has her first communion coming up next month - it can be tough to know what to do in these situations...

I hope you had a great dinner and wonderful visit with family.

[Gray Lensman]

The best thing you can do as a parent, teacher, family member is to help them develop their BS Detector and hope they use it early enough and often enough.

Defy authority/ask questions.

Life is one damn thing after another.

Every day is a gift you give yourself.