Ten things I hate about me

The Countess posted this a while back, and although she didn't specifically tag me, she did tag anybody who wrote about Alito, which I did, and it's been weighing on my mind, so because I don't have any better way to spend my lunch hour because the blonde ate the other half of the Western Philly Cheese Steak sub I was saving for my lunch, here are Ten Views I Hold Without Evidence:

1.  Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.

2.  Pepsi has substantial nutritional value.

3.  If I'd joined the Navy when I was 22 and become a career officer, I'd be commanding a submarine right now.

4.  All dogs go to heaven.

5.  That girl behind the counter at the book store, the one who looks like Halle Berry, was flirting with me.

6.  If Anton Chekhov and I had been alive at the same time and we met, we'd have been friends.

7.  During the two years when we were apart, back when I was in grad school in Iowa and the blonde was down in Miami starting her career as a journalist, she was living a wild, wild, wild life and someday I will turn up the pictures to prove it and when this happens I won't be the least bit jealous or disappointed---Oh!  And the reason I believe this has nothing to do with my own guilty conscience.

8.  The Trojan War really happened.  (In this case, I don't have enough evidence.)

9. If George Washington was alive today he'd be a Democrat and the Republicans would be calling him a traitor and other Democrats would be complaining that his habit of taking stands was bad politics and he was letting his ambitions get in the way of what was good for the Party.

10.  Things will get better.

Comments

[Linkmeister]

I joined the Navy at 21, and I've often had that thought (OOH! 50% pension at age 41!). Many of the other Navy brats I played with grew up and joined the Navy, and most have now retired after 30 years, winding up as Captains (Colonels, to you Army/USMC types). I've wasted my life!

[catherine]

Had I gone to Boalt Law School as planned since age 9, I would be a miserable as an attorney and trying to figure out how to move from a cushy spot to being a public defender.

[Jennifer]

I think dogs make a heaven here on earth.

[The Countess]

I think heaven would be coming back as somebody's spoiled lap cat, but I'm sure heaven could always be coming back as somebody's pampered pooch.

Funny you should mention Anton Chekov that way. I always thought that if I met Edgar Allan Poe, that we would have become fast friends.

Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone. He conspired with aliens. ;)

[Claire]

I second #10. (Well, also #4 and #9. #5 reminds me of my friend who is always convinced dental hygenists are hitting on him... I think it's the laughing gas.)

[Jennifer]

Yes, I'm going to bombard you with more comments... my mind is not focusing on work today and the computer is so close and all...

As for #5- I think all men think all women are flirting with them and that it is really an evolutionary development. Men have to think all women want their seed. Women are not all flirting with them. We are more selective... we go through the seed department and carefully scan the selection for optimal characteristics. Of course we know all men are flirting with us... :-)

As for your wife's Miami years... I have a neighbor who said he worked with her and does indeed have the photos... something involving tassles and a swing... They can be yours for a price!

[blue girl]

"Pepsi has substantial nutritional value."

I don't believe that you believe this. You might want to. But, you really don't.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I've been brain dead this week as far as blogging goes. Maybe I could do this meme? But, I didn't write about Alito -- and that would be breaking the rules...

I do hold this view though: I don't really care about rules all that much.

So maybe I'll throw caution to the wind and do it anyway.

:)

[The Viscount]

Lee Harvey Oswald - I don't know that we will ever know what happened there, but there are other options between he acted alone and Oliver Stone.

[Exiled in NJ]

You've got it wrong: if George Washington were alive today, Little Green Footballs and company would be damning George, Ben F., Tom Jeff, the Adams boys and the rest of the lefty fringe for dissing George III.

[Campaspe]

I collect a lot of trivia, and one of the categories is "People Whose Birthday I Share." I was always irrationally proud that one of them was Anton Chekhov, along with the late Moira Shearer, Muhammed Ali, Benjamin Franklin, James Earl Jones, Mick Taylor, Mack Sennett, Eartha Kitt and Pedro Calderon de la Barca. I hold the irrational belief that this links us all, somehow, and we would totally be buds if we could meet up on some alternate plane of reality. I also hold the irrational belief that those people count, whereas Al Capone and a famous French serial killer who also share my birthday TOTALLY do not count.

I second your #1, by the by, and don't think it's irrational at all.

[The Heretik]

If a woman is in the same room, a man thinks she is flirting with him. If you and Anton Chekhov met and became friends, he would think the girl that looks like Halle Berry was flirting with you, but then he would tell you he was flirting with him more. You would understand, even though you don't speak Russian nor he English. Such is the power of a smile and testosterone.

Chekhov looks down on you now with only some of the dogs in heaven. The dog that nipped at my heels and forced me to ride down the big hill I was scared of when I was five waits for me in purgatory, a place somewhere between Nevada and . . . Utah. We will then head where we belong, most likely south.

A submarine captained by Hector of Troy will take us across the river Styx

We will pass Lee Harvey Oswald drinking a Pepsi. He will tell us he acted alone and head with us toward hell. The Trojan general will have his arm around a very familiar blonde. Chekhov's smile tells me he thinks this woman with the tassels is flirting with him more than she flirts with me.

George Washington will greet us on the far shore of the Styx and tell us he and the other Democrats must head back where we all came from because there is still much work to be done. Harvey alone must remain, but offers us the last of the Pepsi which he swears has nutritional value.

[yank in london]

This is slightly off the point but just what the hell is a "western philly cheese steak sub"? I grew up in and around Philly and never heard of such a thing. I think this may be some sort of blasphameous sandwich....

[Lance]

Yank, Purists may object, but my wife grew up around Philly and she approves. It's basically just a cheese steak with barbeque sauce mixed in. It's a specialty of our local pizza joint.

[Moleman]

Gyah. Blasphemy! (Although it does sound tasty, as a sandwich.) That holds the same relation to actual Philly Cheesesteaks as Richard Nixon did to the Quakers. A terrible misrepresentation of our fair region.

[alex]

I have a different perspective on flirting. Men aren't crazy. Women do flirt. They test their powers on men at every opportunity. Men are crazy only when they believe women actually want to take things beyond flirting. What's more, women who complain that men only make eye contact with their breasts aren't really interested in men's eye contact with their eyes; they're interested in talking about their rack.

[AdorableGirlfriend]

What happens to cats? Do they go to hell?

[blue girl]

Alex!

"....women who complain that men only make eye contact with their breasts aren't really interested in men's eye contact with their eyes; they're interested in talking about their rack."

Nooooooo. No. No. No.

It's embarassing (for the man) -- and ridiculous when men do that!

There might be women who want to talk about their *rack* as you say -- but I've never met one!

[blue girl]

OTOH, maybe I should take that back. There was lots of *rack* talkin' in Lance's Naked post today!

Ha! :)

[Lance]

AG: What happens to cats? Do they go to hell?

Yes, but they don't mind, because that's where they came from to begin with and they're happy there, helping to torture the damned.