Here's to you, Mrs Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know...

Did all Baby Boomer husbands marry women 5 to 10 to 15 years younger than themselves?

Am I looking at a lot of trophy wives down here?

Or am I looking at evidence that at least the male half of that generation has let itself go to pot with a vengenance?

Men, I've been making a careful study of this at the beach.  The idea that we age better than women is a myth, an old husband's tale.  Baby Boomer men, on the whole, are looking like their great-great-grandfathers did, paunchy, jowly, stolid and dull, resembling Grover Cleveland far more than they do Dennis Quaid.   And their Gen X kid brothers aren't any oil paintings either.

It's no wonder that perfectly sensible suburban moms have taken to ogling jailbait, Mrs Robinsoning it behind their shades at the pool. 

Whereas, perfectly sensible suburban dads don't have to fight off the temptation to leer at tall children because they can enjoy leering at their mothers.   Not that I do.  Leer at the mothers, I mean.   I'm too busy when I'm on the beach keeping an eye on my kids and watching out for interesting flora and fauna, like the flocks of piping plovers clumsily skedadling across the water this evening.  If it's possible to waddle in flight, these plovers were waddling on the wing.

The temptation to dirty old manhood isn't that great for me anyway.  It's not that I'm not a lech and a creep and an otherwise normal straight American male.  It's that young women who have their driver's licenses but aren't yet old enough to drink legally don't tend to go to the beach when I do, early in the morning and late in the afternoon.  They're there at midday.  They have to leave the beach before 5 to get to their waitressing jobs and they're still asleep before noon, tuckered out from their waitressing jobs and the illegal drinking they do after work.

It's true, every young woman on the Cape between the ages of 16 and 22 has a job waiting tables, which means that in every restaurant you go to you are waited on by tan, fit, perky, and lovely young women determined to please and flatter.  And that makes me wonder.  The world is full of tan, fit, perky, and lovely young women, and yet Rick Santorum insists that the main threat to his marriage is gays getting married?   Don't the people who vote for him find anything wrong with that, not there's anything wrong with that?

Meanwhile, back on the beach.

I always take my binoculars with me when I go.  That's how I know those were piping plovers waddling by.  I swear I always only point them out to see at birds and passing boats.  But if I was to look inland, I could focus on towel after towel on which lies or sits a real life version of Teri Hatcher.

But what do the real life Teri Hatchers have to train their binoculars on?  They have to hope that all the young men between the ages of 16 and 22 don't have jobs as waiters and can go to the beach anytime of day.  Otherwise, what do they have to look at?  A generation of real life Jim Belushis?

Back in January, Matt Feeney, writing in Slate, wondered how come every TV sitcom featured a fat slob of a husband married to a svelte and beautiful wife.  Why, Feeney asked, were we expected to believe that the the likes of a Jim Belushi could end up with the likes of a Courtney Thorne-Smith?

Because, Matt, from what I've observed on the beach, that's the way it is in real life.

I'm telling you, few Boomer and Gen X men have reason to complain when their wives watch Desperate Housewives.

Guys, how did we let this happen to us?

Comments

[blue girl]

"I'm too busy when I'm on the beach keeping an eye on my kids and watching out for interesting flora and fauna, like the flocks of piping plovers clumsily skedadling across the water this evening.  If it's possible to waddle in flight, these plovers were waddling on the wing."

Really pretty sentences, Lance! They were dancing off my tongue!

[KathyF]

I used to call this the Michael Caine syndrome. Notice how he'd always get the gorgeous babes in movies, yet he wasn't very attractive. Same thing with Jack Nicholson.

Women look beyond men's looks. Really, we do. Unless you're Brad Pitt. Then we need look no further.

[Amanda]

Women look beyond men's looks? I'm kind of bad about that. I am really shallow and love to gawk at good-looking men.

Maybe since my generation has the "metrosexual" thing going on, the discrepancy will disappear when we're middle-aged and men are taking care of themselves, as well.

[Agitprop]

Matt Feeney, writing in Slate, wondered how come every TV sitcom featured a fat slob of a husband married to a svelte and beautiful wife.

Not only are the husbands portrayed as fat slobs, but they are usually stupid fat slobs too. The wife is always the rational voice in the story, bringing common sense to the husband's idiocy or solving his petty screw-ups or problems.

I guess that's how it is in real life?

[mac macgillicuddy]

"I'm telling you, few Boomer and Gen X men have reason to complain when their wives watch Desperate Housewives."

First of all, I don't think my wife watches Desperate Housewives. Anyway, if she does, she doesn't tell me about it. But if she did -- THAT would be my complaint. That she's watching Desperate Housewives.

What an utterly stupid, dim-witted, short-on-imagination show that is, with a bunch of stars who don't bother -- or can't -- act. Hey, I heard that show was nominated for a bunch of Emmys. But that can't be true. (Can it?)

As for the beach thing -- I don't know if I'm a Baby Boom guy, or a Gen X guy. I think my year is kind of in between. But I still married a woman 10 years younger than I am. For a lot of reasons -- none of them having to do with her being younger than I (but one of the fringe benefits is that no matter how old I get, I'll always be married to a hot young babe).

[Lance]

Agit, well, there are some who say that's how it works in my house. Amanda took care of that side of the dumb sitcoms in a post a couple weeks back. If I get a chance I'll dig up the link---after we get back from the beach. Yes, I'm bringing my binoculars. If Amanda stops back in maybe she can drop the link .

[bitchphd]

"Women look beyond men's looks"? No. Women marry guys when the guys are young and decent-looking, and then the guys let themselves go to pot because there's really no reason not to. Women, on the other hand, take care of themselves because society says they should.

I wonder how many of those paunchy guys complain about how, at some point after they got married, their wives stopped wanting sex. Hmm. Wonder why....

Sorry. It's a funny, good-natured post that doesn't really deserve a cranky response.

[coturnix]

Aaaaah! Now I understand why older women always ogled me....

[grishaxxx]

Growing up, and being what Lance calls "bookish" (see archived posts), I always looked up to my Dad as a model of staying in shape. He's 80 now, and he's still in superior condition!
Of course, I have extra incentive (besides actually liking to work out, strenuously) to keep it up, because among gay men of my age it's a slippery slope into Daddy-hood, and that's not exactly my ego-ideal.

[Lance]

Dr B, your comments are always much appreciated, no matter how cranky.

Coturnix, you mean they don't ogle you anymore or do you mean that now it's the younger women ogling you? It's that Speedo, isn't it?

[Matt]

Baby Boomer men, on the whole, are looking like their great-great-grandfathers did, paunchy, jowly, stolid and dull, resembling Grover Cleveland far more than they do Dennis Quaid.

Yes, but just wait until they've saved up enough hermit crabs to pay for their extreme makeovers and gastric by-pass surgeries.

Those out-of-shape baby-boomers are only a nip-'n-a-tuck away from Al Roker.

[Pepper]

THANK YOU. No kiddin'. In my city, the women are always outshining the men. However, both women and men still stir up the myth of the woman who "let herself go," who got hitched and then went all blimpy on her husband.

Why that's still trotted out, I'll never know because I sure am seeing a bunch of potbellies out there.

[Amanda Marcotte]

The myth that women let themselves go because of the security of marriage always perplexed me as well. Women are made constantly aware that marriage is not fidelity insurance. The frequency of male adultery has always been an open secret in America and cheated-upon women are frequently blamed for their inadequacies. So how could any wife feel free to let herself go when she knows that if she does and her husband cheats, society will blame her for being an inadequate sex partner for her?

[Amanda Marcotte]

*him Sorry. Terri Hatcher's breasts distracted me.

[Roxanne]

Hmmm. I wonder if this post can somehow be related to the nice guys getting laid meme.

[jello]

have you seen mrs. rick santorum? no trophy wife she. no wonder mr. santorum is fixated on other people's sex life.

before being accused of lookism, let me assure you, i appreciate the dignity of a handsome woman, but i'd be hard pressed to describe rick's wife. she makes mrs. doubtfire look like a babe.

[Lance]

Roxanne,

I'm not going anywheres near the nice guys meme. I tried to think of something to say about it, but I kept hearing Springsteen singing Glory Days in my head.

[harry near indy]

hi.

i'm terri, and these are my breasts.

they're real, and they're SPECTACULAR.

[sophie]

je ne parle pas tres bien anglais sorry