No damn good

I have been asked how in the face of all that is rotten in the world I maintain my chirpy, cheery, optimistic and generally sunny outlook on life.

Seriously.

I swear.

People have asked me that.

I'm just as surprised as you.  Frankly, I consider myself one grumpy, sour, mean and nasty son of a bitch, a misanthropic, malcontented, pessimistic, anti-social bastard and jerk.  Cheerful?  My guiding philosophy is Murphy's Law, intensified.  I believe that it's not just that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.  It's that anything that can go wrong already has gone wrong, way, way, way wrong, and you won't even have begun to notice just how badly it's all gone wrong until the paramedics and the police arrive.

I'm not a the glass is half-empty-er.  I'm a the glass is dirty and the milk in it has curdled and came from sick cows anway-er.

Apparently these character flaws don't always come across, and not only on this page, where it could be the case that I'm just not making myself clear, but in my analog life, where it should be obvious to anyone spending five minutes with me that there is no pleasure to be had in my company.

Personally, I'd rather spend a night on the town with Pope Benedict than with me.  At least he lightens up once in a while.

But still some people insist I'm a cheerful guy with nary a care in the world and they want to know my secret.

I will tell you.  It's because I have a simple faith.  It has one tenet, a single golden rule.

People are no damn good.

That sounds a little harsh.

Let me put it another way.

People stink and they are stupid.

By people I mean, well, people.  The whole damned human race, every one of us, except for my parents, my sisters, and my pal Gary.

I'm at the top of my list.  I'm rotten and I can prove it.

You, I'm not so sure about.  I hardly know you after all.  You could be all right.  I'll try to keep an open mind should we meet, but I'm doubtful.

People stink and they're stupid.

There are a number of questions that arise from such a philosophy, of course, the first being, if people are that Christ-awful, Lance, how come the world isn't even more of a hell than it is?

I've got an answer for that, which doesn't posit divine intervention, but I'll save it for another day.

The main point of this post is to explain how my complete lack of faith and hope in my fellow man and woman gives me what other people regard as a positive outlook on life.

You wouldn't think that anybody who thinks like I do could go about with a smile on his lips and a song in his heart.  In fact you might think that somebody like me would find it hard to go about at all, that just forcing myself out the door would be too much for my fragile emotional state, that a mere glance out the window would sink me into a slough of despond.

Some days...

I guess it works---if it does work---the way Ben Franklin said pessimism worked for him.  If you never expect anything good to happen, you are never disappointed.

Anyway, I should define my terms.  What do I mean when I say people stink and they are stupid?

Pretty much this.  That when faced with any moral or ethical choice, people will almost always do what they want to do instead of what they know they should do.  If doing the wrong thing will make them feel better than doing the right thing, they will do the wrong thing, and, proving just how rotten they are, will insist to the world, swear on a stack of Bibles, go into court or on TV or before Congress to declare that they in fact acted entirely from principle, that they did the right thing regardless of how it looks to you or the family of the bloody corpse they left on the floor.

And they are stupid in this way:  That when contemplating doing the wrong thing and in the very act of doing it they will know that it is wrong, they will know that it won't only hurt other people but it will be a personal disaster for themselves, that they will be caught at some point and punished, and that when they try to explain and beg forgiveness or mercy nobody will believe what they did was the right thing to do so that they will show themselves up not just as villains later, but as liars and fools, and that knowing all this, they will still go ahead and do the wrong thing.

But that's only when they are thinking.  Usually, they don't think, they're that stupid.  I call this my Driving Only One Car Length Ahead theory, which goes like this.

Most bad drivers are bad because when they are driving they are only looking forward at the car right in front of them.  They don't look right or left, they don't use their rearview or side mirrors.  They fixate on the bumper of the car directly ahead, they don't look through its windows or over its roof or past it on either side, and so they don't see the car ahead of that one stalling out, the light turning red at the next corner, the kid darting out into traffic half a block up, the ambulance coming down the road, or the signs telling everyone to merge left.  They see only what the car in front of them is doing at that moment and they think that as long it's still moving forward everything must be fine on the road ahead and they relax and go into a trance, absurdly secure in their expectations that the way things are right now is how they will continue indefinitely.

Both Avendon Carol and Digby have been looking at the brazen destructiveness of the Republicans in Washington and it's got them worried sick.

They can't understand why the Republicans want to change things in DC in way that will come back to haunt them when the day finally comes when the Democrats are back in power.   It seems foolish.  It makes no sense, unless they know that the Democrats will never be back in power.

Filling in for Atrios, Avedon writes:

One reason I don't think it's at all paranoid to suspect that the Republicans have deliberately taken over the voting system in order to cheat is that they keep doing things that don't otherwise make sense. There's a rather long list of things you just wouldn't expect them to think they could get away with unless they really thought they could control the ballot box, because otherwise they would have to expect that the public would kick enough of them out to not only end some political careers but also make impeachment - and prison - a distinct possibility.

And Digby follows up:

You have to wonder why they would do this when the shoe could easily be on the other foot at any given time. You have to believe that it has always been that threat that kept previous majorities from enacting such a fundamental change to our system that could only help a party intent upon enacting its agenda unimpeded --- but which could be used by either party to do it. These last few elections have been close. The GOP majority is not solid. And while I have argued that the double standard is entrenched because of the republicans' willingness to make nonsensical arguments that confuse the press and render any accountability useless, it will not do them much good if the rules have been changed and a new Democratic majority operates as ruthlessly unconcerned with public opinion as they do.

No, you really do have to wonder how they think they can get away with such radical changes that have no constitutional or even popular support. It really does make you have to at least consider the possibility that they know they will not lose elections

(Thanks to Jack Shannon again for the links.)

Now, I agree that the Bush Leaguers stole votes the last time out.  I don't know if they stole enough to steal the election, but they stole as many as they felt they could get away with stealing, and given the corruption of the American media and the ineffectiveness of the Democrats, that means they stole a lot of votes.

I know they did this because, for one thing, they made obvious moves to set out to do it and, for another, they complained all through the campaign about how the Democrats were trying to steal votes.

This is the salient psychological truth about the American Right.  Whatever outrageous behavior they accuse Democrats of doing, they are doing themselves.

My main reason, though, for believing they stole votes is that stealing votes is an old and enthusiastically practiced American tradition.  Anyone in the media, and especially any blogger left of Glenn Reynolds, who expresses doubts that the election could have been stolen is an ignoramous and should be sent back to high school for remedial study in American history.

They should also be forced to read from the collected works of Mike Royko and Jimmy Breslin every night until they meet their final deadline or blog their last post.

So they stole votes.  They'll steal votes in the next election too.

But do they plan to do this on a scale large enough and for a length of time long enough to keep themselves in power forever.?  Can they do it secretly enough, competently enough, and consistently enough to manage that?

Well, they would probably try if they thought of it.  But I don't think they're thinking that way.

Why not?

Because they are people and people stink and they are stupid.

I believe that the Republicans are driving one car-length ahead.

These are not even particularly bright stupid people.  They are for the most part thieves and thugs.  They are, an amazing number of them, seriously, seriously sexually screwed-up, which makes them neurotic, paranoid, angry, and constantly on the brink of being swallowed up whole by their own weird impulses and repressed desires.  (See Jim West.)  The thugs and thieves among them are not only stupid, they are arrogant.   They don't believe they will ever get caught.  They think that the way things are going is the way they will always go.

The thieves among them don't care that all the bad policy they are making now will be unmade in the future, that things they are trying to get rid of now will come back later in spades---when the country is truly bankrupt and people are crying to the government for help, how high do you think the tax rates the Democrats will impose on the wealthy will be?

But the thieves don't care, because they are thieves, and thieves want their money now and that's all that concerns them.

The thugs aren't worried that the rules they are eliminating now might be needed later by them to protect themselves.  They aren't concerned that the friends and allies they are alienating won't forgive and forget when they need their help in the future.  They don't give a damn that the programs they are destroying will cost them at the ballott box and will be restored at a later date so there is hardly any point to destroying them.  They don't because they are thugs and for thugs the joy is doing damage for its own sake.

Those among them who are thinking and who can see the day when they are out of power aren't preparing for that day, because they stink, just like people who cheat on their husbands and wives don't prepare for divorce court, people who steal from their employers don't prepare for the arrival of the auditors, people who want something they know they shouldn't have don't prepare for the day when that something will reveal itself to be poisoned fruit.

They are driving one car length ahead.

Bill Frist is looking forward only as far as the first Republican primary in 2008.

Tom DeLay had been looking only as far ahead as the next deal and his next payday.

Now he is looking only as far ahead as his next chance to head off an investigation that will lead to his prosecution.

And this is why I'm, marginally, not as worried as Avedon and Digby.  This is why I am, marginally, more optimistic.  And this is why I might appear more upbeat, cheerful, and positive.  Optimistic is a relative condition.

I am not not worried.  And I am not all that optimistic.

These are dishonest, dangerous, and destructive people, and I'm not relying on the Democrats or the media to put a stop to them.

But I am betting on their own stupidity and viciousness catching up with them.

I'm also expecting local prosecutors to start coming down on them.  Not because I think local prosecutors are heroes and saints and don't stink, but because they do.

I'm counting not on their virtue but on their ambition and vanity.

Some hotshot Republican prosecutor is going to see that his or her best way to fame and fortune is nailing one of these guys.

But remember, I'm a people.

Which means that I stink.

And I'm stupid.

(Shameless begging to prove I stink:  Welcome to all of you coming from Buzz Flash, AlterNet, Wolcott, and the other fine blogs linking to this post.  I'm really glad you're here and I hope you'll come back, time and time again.  I'm hoping though some of you will be kind enough to hit my Amazon or PayPal buttons in the tip jar up there at the top of the right hand column on your way out or click here.  All this welcome but unexpected traffic is doing a number on my bandwidth and disk allottment and I need to upgrade.  Thanks very much.)

Comments

[The Heretik]

History, government, and the history of government are replete with tales of power, thieves, and hubris. In the short term, perhaps we are screwed. If the filibuster gets broken, our children will be screwed as well. But the truth is, however foolish we may be as a group, however unwise we are as individuals, in time either of two things happens.

If you subscribe to a theory that humanity ever progresses, we will eventually step over this moral cesspool of our time. Looking back, we will see it for what it was: a small but very stinky puddle that ruined a great pair of shoes.

If you subscribe to a theory of immutable eternal truths, in time the falseness of the current age will be seen for what it is. At that time the demonic dark mirror our seeming masters have had us narcissically gazing into will be broken and a proper, better vision of humanity will return.

But in the short term we may be screwed. An ironic outlook may yet save us. Who we may now not yet hang anything on will someday hang themselves.

How? Hubris. You said it yourself.

They don't beleive they will ever get caught. They think that the way things are going is the way they will always go.

It is but matter of time. The clock ticks. See you at midnight.

[Linkmeister]

Is it permissible to sort of, you know, help them self-destruct?

[burritoboy]

"Some hotshot Republican prosecutor is going to see that his or her best way to fame and fortune is nailing one of these guys."

Ah, I see we have a Machiavellian in the house.

[Jack (CommonSenseDesk)]

Lance,

On the question of stealing elections ~ a long standing tradition in Hudson County, NJ and in the home of its star pupil, Chicago, IL.

Also on point, have you read the Lampley post at Huffington yet? You can find it at http://www.commonsensedesk.com/2005/05/sportscaster_as.html. You should take a look. Gutsy move by Lampley.

[Stu]

Lance, if you were in this room right now, I would hug you. Because you just expressed much better than I did exactly why I'm not quite as worried as other say I should be.

Thank you.

[Cate]

Well, thank you. You just made being awake at 3:59 to catch up on reading completely not a dumb thing to do. Yeah, I used to churn bile until I cozied up with some documents on 1790 to 1820 politicking and pamphleteering. The lying and the cheating and the backstabbing and the, well, you know. These clowns we have today? Not so original. Except I must admit, that this Intelligent Design stuff, boy does that scream for a Shouts & Murmurs piece in the New Yorker. Raw material that good is so hard to come by. Thank god for Kansas, and I don't mean the band.

[denisdekat]

The Masses are stupid, but they are our brethren. The masses are stupid, but you are not. Your tone is constructive, not a fabricated happiness, so no worries there...

I know that democracy has been undermined in America, especially when the so called debates are 3 staged prefabricated theatre events where the puppet is wired to see! The Media is a zombie, a corpse! However, there are folks like you who do a good job at fighting the good fight, I still have some optimism for the more educated Americans, it is only they who can save this great Country from the hungry fangs of the multi national corporations who want to rob the wealth that our families have built over the years through hard and honest work...

[Shakespeare's Sister]

I'm a the glass is dirty and the milk in it has curdled and came from sick cows anway-er.

My friend Andy describes me as a "the glass is empty and smashed to bits on the floor"-er, and yet I've been asked how I manage to stay in such a good mood all the time, too.

The only way I can explain it is that the one thing I always have faith in is that there are other people like me around, even if they might be few and far between, who really do want to be nice, and good, for no other reason than for its own reward, and have a little fun along the way, too. So even if my larger outlook is grim, I read this blog, or other blogs I like, and I feel happy, because I simply can't help myself. :-)

[syntallic]

Absolutely delightful! I have been exploring the End of the American Century for months now, and it all comes down to a sense of reverse entitlement with a sociopathic chaser to kill the bitter taste. The "reverse" in this bizarre Rethug elixir is that we have been bending over for people in need for so long - insert tape of brown people getting foreign aid and welfare queens having buck-toothed kids on the public dole - that who cares if the rich get richer for a little while at least, even though the largest welfare program known to mankind has gone to the defense, petroleum and corporate agriculture lobbys for decades now.

Not to come out here as too much of a socialist here, but perhaps Marx knew something when he said, "The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs." It's all a big reallocation of wealth and the media pressing down with the rubber stamp. And like you, I have not been entirely pessimistic about these last few years, nor will I shed a tear when it all comes crashing down - because these events are entirely predictable - and that in the end even the serfs can come armed with pitchforks and lanterns and take them out one by one.

Wonderful piece!

[Rook]

Ya, you do stink. But not because you are people. It's because you don't have me linked. Well, that's really just an empty attempt at shameless link whoring. Hey, I am just trying to live up to your opinion of us people. Though, personally, I think Agent K said it better: A person is smart-people are stupid.

However, I really must say this is one first class post. And congrats on the link from Wolcott. That's huge. Huge!

[worldserious]

I have been saying the same thing since Bush was first elected and he showed his real "compassionate conservitism". That he and ALL his theiving followers are just plain MEAN. All that meanness takes to much negative energy to continue to exist and will one day implode. I was most disappointed that the implosion did not occur before his re-election but the clock is ticking- ENTROPY RULES.

[grishaxxx]

Great gnashing, LM! That damn glass, though - I've never understood the empty/full thing (arguments could be easily made for flipping either conventional reading of the test) - the point to me is that it's only half a glass, and if it's as foul as the one you see, then let's throw the shit down the drain and wash it! Nothing like a clean glass - full of possibility!

And that's where I am with Shakespeare's Sister; the fact of you and other heroes and heroines of sanity gives me hope, makes me grin in the face of a vile present and it's dark army of villains. Really stupid villains.
I also think that only about 30% of the populace (and that's a max value) is, at any one time, completely batshit crazy; more may be hoodwinked, but you don't have to be a genius to be shrewd, or pissed off when you discover you have been fooled, and the excesses of this current bunch of evil clowns just will not be hidden forever.
It will be a godawful mess to clean up, of course - I cannot remember a worse period, and that includes Nixon - but it will crash, and some faith in our compatriots may come in handy then.

[Publius]

This post, it-- how do you say in your country?-- it fucking rules.

Exactly. Stupidity undoes itself eventually. And never ascribe to conspiracy or even to malice what can adequately be explained by basic human vices like greed, stupidity, or vanity.

I'm mindful of Robert Anton Wilson's assessment: there are tons of conspiracies out there, but they last on average about 10 years, at which point the stupidity and greed metastasises to the point where the conspirators start double-crossing each other or fall victim to law enforcement or to rival conspiracies, and they fall apart.

I'll also mention Frank Zappa's great insight: "Scientists believe that hydrogen is the basic building block of the universe, because it is so plentiful. I disagree. Stupidity is far more plentiful than hydrogen, therefore it is the basic building block of the universe."

Finally, one more quote from the late great Bill Hicks: "People suck, and I can prove it, I can give you the fact the factorum, I'll show my work, case closed."

Indeed.

[CheeseMoose]

"Always merry and bright." That was Henry Miller's motto. Wallow in the shit and smile smile smile.

Til we get a paper trail, elections are a farce. The tragic events of 11-2? You ain't seen nothin' yet!

[Bubba's_barber]

Great Post. I too subscribe to the notion.
Except, I have always believed this country "worked" precisely because there were a lot of stupid people (good/bad), and a handful of good and very smart people. The trouble is, I am having trouble believing they still make the latter.

[Avedon]

Er, who says the Republicans are doing anything in secret? I thought they were pretty overt about how they were trying to fix the vote.

That's the thing about it. Democrats, if they were doing the same, would have been really secretive about it, and have been genuinely ashamed at getting found out.

[Donna]

I hear ya, only I don't have a sunny outlook on it. Remember the Wall Street crooks? They kept most of the money and didn't get much prison time if any. How about the inept United execs now? They don't have to pay workers pensions and don't have to pay back their fat "compensation packages" that they collected while driving United into the dirt. This gang of thieves and their pals at Enron, Halliburton, Bechtel, you get the idea...they see this history, no wonder they think they can get away with it. Hell, nuthin' happened to Jeb Bush for his part in the S&L scandal, maybe they think they'll get Jeb's punishment for their misdeeds.

Iran Contra? Was Reagan or Bush I behind that? Nah...Ollie, he's the one at fault. Abu Ghraib? Ya think the blowback will get Bush II, Rummy, or even Sanchez or Miller? Nah...England, she's the mastermind of this evil.

Sure they'll keep stealing votes and elections as long as they can. If there is a day of reckoning, they've already got the money, power, policy, etc. And they've got other little thieves to take the fall.

"Whatever outrageous behavior they accuse Democrats of doing, they are doing themselves."

Uh huh, and you can bet they will say that all their transgressions were the Democrats fault and the media will go right along with that.

Republicans are children. They want what they want NOW! It doesn't matter that eating a box of cookies, bag of chips, and 50 candy bars will give them a stomach ache in an hour, or make them into fat lil shits in a month. Tax cuts for the wealthy, Iraq, environmental destruction, so many things can be explained by their childish behavior. They want their payday now, and who gives a hoot if they and the rest of us have to pay the cost in the future. Democrats are the grown ups, which is why we're considered boring with a stick up our ass. We're planners for the future, but the stupid public is more like the Republicans, they want that immediate gratification. There wouldn't be any Soc Sec "crisis" if we had Bill Clinton's surplus now, but you think these idiots notice that or who squandered that money? Joe Republican got his extra $50 in his tax rebate, he doesn't connect the dots that it will cost him his Soc Sec check down the road.

[loret]

Sometime half a glass of water is just half a glass of water.

[Brad Turner]

I am also hopefull that these stupid, evil buttwipes will shoot themselves in the foot, but I remain skeptical about the reality of this happening. It seems that the idiot masses have disconnected from reality. They don't give a shit about anything beyond their immediate concerns, which might be as important as where they are going to eat, and what that might be. Life for most of them resembles a soap opera. These stupid people usually don't vote, either. But there is stupid, and there is evil. Most of the truly stupid are not really evil, but they don't vote. The one's who do vote stupidly are simply evil. Shit on 'em.

[big dave]

Conservatism must inevitably fail because it defies logic, common sense, goodness, and the immutable laws of progress. It's decline and destruction will come much quicker if Democrats would start talking forcibly about its evils. Then, what will happen is that since Conservatives are nothing more than 20-25% of America, they will be marginalized and then the progressives, liberals, and moderates can fight it out as to how best to move the world forward. But before we have that debate we must destroy conservatism and all its vestiges once and for all.

[John Ferguson]

Leonard Woolf, who lived almost 89 vibrant years, was motivated by a principle which transcends the optimism/pessimism dichotomy. That principle was: Nothing matters.

John Ferguson
Garland, Texas

[socialdemocracynow]

Nah, I remain seriously depressed. These guys have shot themselves in the foot a hundred - no a thousand - times and IT HASN'T MADE A JOT OF DIFFERENCE. Nothing matters when the media is totally controlled.

[The Divine Ms. Jimmi]

I just hate some people.

[afew]

We're all hoping (outside America too, believe me) that these thugs will shoot themselves bigtime in the foot. But, as socialdemocracynow points out, they've done a fair amount of it already, and retribution is slow to come.

Your post shows a touching faith (for a stinker) in immanent justice. I mean, just because I drive like a dick doesn't automatically mean I'm going to have an accident. And the other examples of human misconduct you cite are not obligatorily followed by the meting out of justice. People do get away with murder -- and the more powerful they are, the less likely they are to be called to account.

What you say about stealing elections is very well put and seems to me exactly right. I don't think they've got an infallible master plan for rigging any and every election. The point about it is, though, that as long as they can keep the electoral difference marginal (ie the electorate almost evenly split), they can force the issue by cheating and/or legal bullying as in 2000.

Avedon and Digby (if I rightly remember posts of theirs) haven't only sourced their anxiety to election-stealing. There's a concerted effort by Repugs to make it difficult to undo what they're doing now. There's also a concerted effort to grab all the reins of power. They hold corporate power plus the executive and legislative branches. The "information" media is compliant -- no Fourth Estate (unless its the BlogEstate). The judicial branch isn't entirely in their hands, so they're using intimidation. They're having a go at bullying Hollywood and the education system (now it's not just lefties on campus, it's schoolteachers, we hear, who are all liberals, and so it's time to privatize public schools). And, by keeping their popular base all fired up with the culture wars, they're making bullying easy -- for them.

They may screw up in these attempts. They're probably not a huddle of evil geniuses plotting away. But who needs a conspiracy when there's such a convergence of powerful interests?

So OK, let's be optimistic and hope (as it seems to me some Dems do) that it's just a matter of waiting until the right smashes into the wall and America wakes up and smells the coffee and the world breathes a sigh of relief. Don't know if it's going to happen quite like that, though.

Otherwise (since I'm as no-damn-good as they come), I thoroughly enjoyed reading your no-damn-good post.

a fucking european weasel.

[Randomizer]

The Thieves and Thugs are counting on the Dems being "nice guys" and maybe even putting back the rules once they are in power.

They rationalize as if Lady Liberty is their battered spouse --

"So what if I might get arrested beating the crap out of her?" they ask --

"She won't testify and she'll take me back and forgive me ... and anyway, she asked for it by being so trusting."

People tend to stink and be stupid -- but they don't have to. Just ask Gary.

[William Mahoney]

The administration is doing exactly what the bumber sticker in "Orwell Rolls In His Grave" said---"Drive it like you stole it."--Which is how this adminstration is acting. By the way "Orwell" is a great documentary.

Regards

[pap]

Excellent post. I don't share the optimism though. Snarl Rove, and his sick gay cohorts are clever indeed. They stink, yes, worse than a well used latrine, but they are smart -- in a Machiavelian way. And they are in too deep to ever pull back from their grand fascist dreams (nightmares to us). If they falter, they go down, to prison or the gallows.

The only thing that can save American democracy, and horrendous repercussions for dissidents in this country is to take back the election system. Fortunately, and easy-sell program awaits: Paper Ballots Hand Counted. No $7000 vote-stealing machines rigged by ReThugliCons needed. Simply mark a paper ballot, put it in a locked box, count it with multiple witnesses, and post the results. Bingo, like most of the rest of the world, the votes are actually counted. Why do you think Chavez is actually president of Venezuela? Correct, they actually count the votes, and this neutralizes the outside sabotage (from the CIA) intending to crush the democracy movement in that country.

People, get active in demanding paper ballots hand counted; variations on the theme of vote-stealing machines -- the only options now being offered -- all have the vulnerability of being hacked or programmed to steal votes, and here's the kicker:
A RECOUNT IS ONLY DONE IF THE ELECTION WAS CLOSE ENOUGH!! Please reread that if my shouting wasn't sufficient to brand that on your memory banks. That's right, you could have all the paper receipts in the world, and if they are not ever counted, what good would they do. (I'll tell you what good: Rove laughing 'til his sides hurt because you thought your election system was secure.)

Paper Ballots, Hand Counted

[inmediasres]

Very good points. For example, I would love to see the Filibuster disappear under more auspicious circumstances. I'm not sure the damage in the mean time (eg. Judges appointed) is balanced by the payback on the Day of Reckoning. Obviously in the long run Republicans ARE digging their own graves while they are digging ours. Excuse the cliche, but as economists say, "in the long run, we are all dead." (I suppose you would have found some consolation in Germany in 1940 knowing that Hitler was digging his own grave?)