Dear Reince and all other Republicans,
We’re very sorry you recognized your base and what your party has become in our Tweet about how that Cheerios ad drives Right Wingers crazy. As you know, as upstanding members of the Liberal Media the thing we fear most is that Republicans will accuse us of being liberal. Therefore, we’ve fired the person responsible for the tweet and offer our most abject apologies. We promise that whenever you or any other Republican appears on one of our shows we will pretend you aren’t what you are and don’t represent the people you represent and the points of view you’re expressing are sane, moderate, open-minded, and intended to help move the country forward.
We hope you’ll forgive us and continue to give our spouses, family, and friends jobs, pick up the tab at lunch, invite us to your parties, and pay us exorbitant fees to speak at those wonderful expensive dinners and functions we couldn’t afford to attend otherwise because we have kids to put through the Ivy League colleges your recommendations helped them get into.
PS. We can’t promise about Rachel but maybe she’ll give us an excuse to fire her soon.