Stop! (Pant) In the (gasp) name of (wheeze) the Law!

This one’s for our old friend Chris the Cop, who is actually a retired cop these days, having turned in his badge a few years back for a quieter life in corporate America where the criminals he tracks down are just as stupid but dress nicer.

Chris had been contemplating retirement from the moment his first daughter was born but he was helped towards his final decision by a crook he chased down one night.  Actually, he was helped by the chase itself.  This mope had held up or tried to hold up a convenience store just as Chris happened to be pulling into the lot in his patrol car.  The mope runs out of the store as Chris is getting out of his car.  The clerk runs out of the store right after.  The clerk yells, “Thief!”  Chris yells “Stop!” The mope yells “Oh shit!” but does not stop.  He runs faster.

The mope, you should know, is fat.

Not plump.  Not husky.  Not stout, chubby, or portly.  He is not built for speed.  He is not built for walking briskly even.  But he is motivated.

Chris at this time was a sergeant.  He was not old or out of shape but he was not the flash he once was and he is out of practice chasing down criminals.  He is a middle-aged guy who has done this sort of thing too many times.  His muscles, his legs, his heart, his lungs, and his brain are all telling him, “Call it in.  We don’t need to do this anymore.”  But his pride is already chasing after the mope, dragging all the rest of him along with it.

The chase does not last long.  Maybe it’s a block before Chris catches up and tackles the mope.  But by this time the mope is sucking wind like he’s dying, which Chris was thinking he might very well be doing, although he’s frankly not too concerned about the mope’s health because he’s sucking wind too and his heart’s pounding and his legs are screaming “We told you so!  We told you so!”

And get this.  The mope decides he’s not going to come quietly.  He starts fighting.  This requires Chris to put some effort into cuffing him.

It is some time after Chris succeeds in this before he can draw enough extra breath to be able to say to the mope, “You fucking moron!  What are you trying to do, kill us both with heart attacks?”

From this night on retirement cannot come any too soon for Chris.

I’m sure Chris won’t mind that I told you this after he reads the story from our local paper that follows here, because he can say, “At least I didn’t have to shoot the asshole after letting him take my Taser off of me!”

City cop shot with own Taser

Officer fires on, subdues suspect in Kingston

At 11:22 a.m., Officer Michael Pedersen spotted the fugitive, Eric Pearson, riding his bicycle at Clinton Avenue and Liberty Street. Pearson, 18, was wanted on a felony warrant stemming from a November domestic violence case.

Pearson immediately began fighting when the officer tried to arrest him. As the two wrestled in the street, Pearson pulled the officer's Taser from its holster and ran away.

He sprinted through backyards for about a block along Clinton Avenue. When he reached 137 Clinton Ave., Pearson sneaked around the side of the house and saw Pedersen in pursuit.

Pearson pulled the trigger on the Taser, shooting its two darts toward the officer. One dart hit Officer Pederson in the left temple, but the other dart missed.

The officer pulled his .40-caliber Glock service pistol and fired one shot, striking Pearson near the left hip.

Note the suspect was on a bicycle when the officer spotted him.  Also note the suspect had out-run cops two other times recently.  You think, though, this cop’s fellow officers are going to talk about the remarkable foot speed and stamina he displayed catching up with someone fleeing on a bike?

Read all of Adam Bosch’s story in the Times Herald-Record.

Comments

[Mark]

Once upon a time, long ago, I was driving home very late on a rural two-lane road. I passed through a very small town at the speed limit, and then as I reached the other side, I speeded up. A town cop following me with his lights off pulled me over, and I had to call my father to come pay a fine before they would let me leave. Shortly after that I heard that the cop pulled someone else over. This guy took the cop's pistol from him and pistol whipped the cop. Shortly after that the town decided they didn't need a police department.

Is "mope" one of those made-for-TV words for the bad guys?

[Lance]

Mope is a word I've used since I was a kid to describe a certain type of slow-witted jerk. I don't know where I picked it up, probably from TV but maybe from one of my grandparents or one of the older nuns at my grade school or a Hardy Boys mystery. I have a habit of talking like I just stepped out of a 1940s movie and say things like "Swell!" and "For Pete's sake!" and "Holy mackerel!" People who've met me will swear to this. Unless they're mopes.

[El Jefe]

Lance, if there's a "Best Self-Commentary Comment By a Blogger" category in the next Koufax Awards, I'm nominating that.

[Linkmeister]

mope
–noun
3.
a person who mopes or is given to moping.

Word Origin & History

1560s, the sound of the word perhaps somehow suggestive of low feelings (cf. Low Ger. mopen "to sulk," Du. moppen "to grumble, to grouse," Dan. maabe "to mope"). Related: Moping; mopey.

Slang Dictionary
mope [mop]

1. n.
a tired and ineffectual person. : I can't afford to pay mopes around here. Get to work or get out!

Dictionary of American Slang and Colloquial Expressions by Richard A. Spears.Fourth Edition.
Copyright 2007. Published by McGraw Hill.

[Chris the Cop]

I do like this story and thanks again for making me look good in retorspect. Don't know how I missed it when you first wrote it.