Cougars

Updated.

Ok, I'm an old fuddy duddy who spends his time in his basement working on his model trains, so you'll have to explain it to me slowly and with patience.  What exactly is a cougar?

If you're a cougar, and I called you a cougar, would you be flattered or would I get my face slapped?  My guess is that if you would slap my face you aren't a cougar even if you are.

Apparently cougars are attractive single women of a certain age, but I don't know what that age is.  Also apparently not all attractive single women of a certain age are cougars.  What's the difference?

Who thought that name up?  Who thought it was sexy?  How are cougars like cougars?  Are they big and cat-like?  Are they always on the prowl?  Do they lie in wait up on rocks in mountain passes for passing big horn sheep and antelope or drop from tree branches on unsuspecting white tail deer?  That suggests cougars are something else besides single, attractive, and of a certain age, possibly dangerous.  Do other non-cougar women like them?  Do they want to be like them?

Isn't the male equivalent of a cougar a fifty year old guy with plugs, a spray-on tan, a red sports car, and hefty child support payments?

Is the cougar phenomenon a good thing?  Good for whom?  Men?  Women?  Porn Studio Executives?   Thirty and forty something guys who are tired of the snickers of the twenty years olds they've been hitting on and have learned that one advantage of being with a cougar is that older women have learned to be kinder and more tolerant and save their snickering for the ladies' room?

Slate thinks I should be interested in cougars enough to watch this video, Cougars Gone Wild.  Excuse me.  I'm going to do that now.  Solely in the interest of research.  Then it's back to the basement.  I'm building a candy store for Mannionville Junction.

Updated in solidarity with Jon Stewart, Fellow Reddenbacher:

A too young to be a cougar reader sent me this one.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Cougars
www.thedailyshow.com
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Comments

[Formerly Apostate]

So many questions!

Cougars are attractive middle aged women (over 40 but under 60) who are single - usually by choice, but could be by divorce - usually well-off, who shamelessly seek out younger men to be with sexually. They are not looking for long term relationships, or may be looking, but are content to get some cock in the interim.

They are the aggressors in the male-female sexual dynamic - they give the chase to the young men.

[consults urban dictionary]

It appears I am right.

Since I consider women's sexual shamelessness and freedom a good thing, I think they are a positive development, but the term was invented to denigrate women, because hey - a woman who chose not to marry, chose to pursue her career, and is "desperately" seeking sex with younger hot men can't be anything but an immoral slut contributing nothing of use to society (i.e. kids) and not fulfilling her natural, god-ordained purpose in life (i.e. kids).

But with increasing acceptance of the wild idea that women have sexual needs and age does not always result in a woman becoming undesirable, the term has gained a somewhat humorous but not completely pejorative connotation.

You should refrain from calling a woman a cougar, even if she fits the bill and even if you don't think she will be offended, because using the term is implied commentary on her sexual proclivities. In other words, don't bring it up unless you're on intimate enough terms with her to discuss her sex life.

The cougar phenomenon is a good thing for the following groups of people:

1. Women, because their sexuality is acknowledged.
2. Men, especially young men, because they learn how to fuck right.
3. Society at large, because more people getting laid makes for happy people, and people learn that fucking can be just for pleasure, no strings attached, and the only healthy way to be is not in a monogamous life-long union with a person of the opposite gender. It also drives home the point that the man does not necessarily have to do the chasing.

I like cougars. I can imagine why some women might not like them.

The male equivalent of a cougar is usually termed either a "creep" or a dirty old man. I don't agree with these unkind characterizations, but there it is. We live in a judgmental society.

I cannot help you with the etymology of the term. But perhaps young women - kittens - grow up to be cougars.

I don't know if I got all your questions, but let me know if I missed something critical.

[mac macgillicuddy]

Lance,
My information is second-hand, so it may or may not be accurate. But my understanding is that "cougars" are women who date men much younger (minimum age difference not fully defined, but typically the men are in their 20s or early 30s) than themselves. The minimum age for the cougar is 40. I'm not sure what the maximum age is. By these specs, though, a 40ish man probably wouldn't qualify as a cougar's consort.

I don't know where the term came from. But I suspect it has something to do with "How I Met Your Mother."

[Mike Schilling]

In Ocean's 13, Matt Damon is excited about being given the job of suborning Ellen Barkin because she's a, y'know, cougar. So he pays lot of attention to her, and keeps her glass filled with champagne, and gives every impression of being interested. But we never see them kiss or anything; that would be icky because Barkin was 53 and Damon was a mere child of 37.

[Lance]

FA, Very thorough and helpful. I think I like the concept but not the word. To me a cougar that's not a mountain lion is a sports car that was never as cool as the Mustang.

[Zach]

Lance, cougar's a popular parlance that has morphed with use (and advertising, and Stacie's Mom videos) out of every boy's fantasy of the sexed up older woman, and from a crude and ugly root, into a more or less broadly positive referent to the sexiness of mother-aged women.

Its a tough one.. usage is generally as a positive for women on the low end of that range, and as mockery for those on the higher end. Always the actual age range is taken as a function of the age of the young male(s) in question.

Short etymology is as follows: "cougar" comes from boys and young men using the term to refer to an older woman as, at its crudest, a 'p*ssy with teeth', i.e. that can eat you alive.

Sex and danger and nastiness, whats not to like. No wonder its taken off.