Don't have a cow, man, but...

I'm not going to see The Simpsons Movie.

Not until it comes out on DVD, at any rate, when by popular demand around here it'll be a feature for family movie night and I won't be able to avoid it.

The blonde took the boys to see it yesterday.  The teenager waited up until I got home from work last night to tell me all about it.  "You've got to see it, dad," he told me.  "It's hilarious!"

I sent him straight to bed before he could say more than that.

I have to tell you this, and I'll understand if you never want to read this blog again after I do.

I don't like the Simpsons.

I never have.

I hate the animation.  The drawings are ugly and the color scheme is repulsive.

I hate the sound of all the characters' voices, except Maggie's.

My favorite character is Sideshow Bob precisely because he wants to kill Bart.

The plots of individual episodes sound funny.

But whenever I watch them I don't laugh.

There are days when I am sympathetic to the worldveiw behind the humor, that all human beings, except for one jazz-loving, saxophone-playing little girl and her genius baby sister, are self-deluded boobs driven by vanity, appetite, greed, laziness, and stupidity, but sitting through joke after joke after joke driving this point home makes me want to spend a week at Disneyworld where I'd do nothing but ride through It's a Small World over and over again.

Let me see if I can put this better.

I got it.

I HATE THE SIMPSONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There.

I've said it.

I feel better.

Cleaner.

And ready to hear it.

Was it funny?

Over at newcritics, Dennis Perrin says it is; not as funny as some of the best episodes, but funnier than 99 per cent of the current Hollywood comedies.

Now this was a great cartoon!  Best news I've had in a week.  The Shamus reports that the original Popeye cartoons are coming out on DVD tomorrow.

Well, blow me down!

Comments

[Linkmeister]

I'm not qualified to comment, since I've never seen an entire episode. I think it conflicts with 60 Minutes out here.

[julia]

Wasn't all that funny. They couldn't decide whether to make it a slapstick comedy, a heartwarming exploration of family love and personal growth, a political satire or a really long episode, so long stretches of the movie where they're attempting the latter four are pretty much humor-free.

[Hustveit]

I think if you like the recent seasons you'll probably like the movie. I don't, and I didn't.

However, I disagree with you, Lance, in that I think the early seasons were quite good; witty, clever, topical. But after a point it sort of lost the plot, in my view. The regulars starting veering out of character, often doing so in an over-the-top manner, and the stories felt hashed together and secondary to the slapstick-aspect.

Every now and then, usually before a season-premiere, there is talk of the series being "back to form", but I've been disappointed by every such promise. A glimmer of the old days here and there, but it's not the same.

[norbizness]

You know, they made fun if It's a Small World in the Selma's Choice episode.

DUFF BEER FOR ME
DUFF BEER FOR YOU
I'LL HAVE A DUFF
YOU HAVE ONE TOO

That's where Lisa drank the bilgewater on which the boat was propelled and had the equivalent of an acid trip, shouting "I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN" (this was before the Doors movie). That's some good shit.

[Mike Schilling]

I'll confine myself to one example of why The Simpsons is wonderful: their version of Hamlet features a vial labeled

"Ear Poison. Warning: Do not get in eyes".

[sfmike]

Amen. And I actually kind of like Matt Groening and "Life in Hell" and "The Simpsons" but do I ever actually watch an episode from beginning to end? Well, no.

As for those of you who love it, get it, and enjoy putting their own spin into it, I envy you.

[Wren]

You've given me courage. I'm owning up too: I hate The Simpsons. I never liked the show, not from the start. Same reasons, too. It absolutely has never interested me. Ugly.
Thank you. I've been carrying that around with me for years.

[burritoboy]

I don't HATE HATE the show - I've never just found it compelling (I can watch it, but I'd rather watch lots of other things).

It's not that the Simpsons believes that most humans are moronic that's a problem - it's that it takes that realization too lightly. The show can't decide whether to be harsh or mushy. Let's be frank, Marge should have shot Homer and Bart multiple times in their heads and run off in the car by the fourth episode. Homer would have beaten Flanders' brains in with a baseball hat, as well as lynching Apu (let's be honest, a real-life guy as dumb as that is probably a flaming massive racist). In real life Springfield, everybody loves Mr. Burns.

[Ken Houghton]

I tried watching the first season in my usual manner (DVD on the laptop on public transport) and the animation was so bad I gave up. Better seen in small doses, rather like R&B. (There; now I've committed heresy.)

That admitted, though, is it the real original Popeye cartoons, before Bluto was Brutus and everyone bloody talked too much?

[norbizness]

Well, the first season was very slipshod; they had problems with the overseas animation studio (you should see the rejected version of "Some Enchanted Evening," featuring Penny Marshall as the Babysitter Bandit). I think they only got on-model around Season 3. Then, in Season 9, the writing went to shit and has continued thusly for another 10 years.

[CJColucci]

Re: Popeye
Whose kid is Sweepea?

[Dawn]

Lance, you are the only one I have ever 'known' who hates 'The Simpsons' for the very reasons I do. I've never been able to subject myself to that ugly animation and those voices for even a whole episode. Maybe if the scripts were used in another medium I would enjoy the humor.

[travy]

I don't like the Simpsons...

dude, there are things about ourselves that are better left unsaid even in the exhibitionist blogosphere...

[markg]

Thanks. I thought maybe I was the only one besides my wife.

[zeke]

Lance, I don't hate you, and I'll continue to read your blog with pleasure. But when it comes to any opinions you may venture on the topic of TV and film comedy, I'll have to take them with a very large grain of salt from now on.

That said, I have friends who rave about "The Family Guy," an animated series I don't find in the least bit funny. De gustibus non est disputandum.

[Kevin Wolf]

While past its prime, The Simpsons is good TV. It once was great TV. The animation is not an issue.

I won't hold this post against you, Lance, though I should.

[Juno]

I thought I was the only one. I can watch it now and then. I even find it mildly entertaining when I have seen it. But I never choose to watch it, never think to watch it. Never want to watch it.

[res ipsa loquitur]

I don't hate it, but in all these years I've seen approximately 1.5 episodes. Halfway through the second one I thought, "Okay, I get it." I didn't feel the need to see more.

[Ronzoni Rigatoni]

Frankly, I like Spongebob Squarepants much better.

[Potato Head]

>self-deluded boobs driven by vanity, appetite, greed, laziness, and stupidity

Indeed. A satire with a skeptical view of human nature. Bo-ring, as someone might say. Why can't they try out something new? How about a satire where all the characters are really kind and intelligent, kind of like that epsiode of "Itchy and Scratchy" where they bowed to pressure and removed the gratuitous violence? Think of the comic possibilities.

I do agree that the show has been off form for about 10 years now.

[Kelly Cat's favorite human]

Well, they say confession is good for the soul. And judging from the lack of flames here, you are definitely not alone.

Personally, give me a Chuck Jones-directed Bugs Bunny anytime...

[Greg]

When you say "The animation was ugly," are you referring to the first season, where it generally *was* ugly? 'Cause it got a lot better starting in Season 3.

"the worldveiw behind the humor, that all human beings, except for one jazz-loving, saxophone-playing little girl and her genius baby sister, are self-deluded boobs driven by vanity, appetite, greed, laziness, and stupidity"--yes but this isn't *always* true. First off, Marge is the soul of decency. Second, in several episodes Homer, Bart, et. al. are able to rise *above* their base desires at the end.

Ah well. To each his own.

[Dawn]

I haven't tried to watch it since around 1989, so I guess that would be in the first couple of seasons. Honestly, how much prettier did yellow and blue haystack hair get in season 3 ?
And I've always claimed 'Inside the Actor's Studio' jumped the shark with Lipton's mass interview of the cast.

But enjoy the movie if it is your thing. I'll go see Hairspray again. I'm not claiming particularly good taste.

[Gus]

So Wren, is your point that this cartoon isn't realistic?

[Gus]

Whoops, I meant to address that to burritoboy.

[Gus]

Whoops, I meant to address that to burritoboy.

[Me]

You know for someone that refers to people as "the blonde" and "the teenager", its obvious why you dont like the Simpsons...you just dont get it. Your loss. Maybe you should give Dora the Explorer a go, seems like something you'd enjoy.