I'm "on the computer" writing a post about being "on the computer" called "On the computer"

Sitting around the other night having a few beers with some fellow blogging types and talking about this and that, this being the people we're married to and that being a habit of theirs that drives us crazy, and it turns out that two of us, one of us being me, are married to women who refer to what we're doing when we're working on our blogs as being "on the computer."

As in "Are you still on the computer?"

And "Don't get on the computer, we're going to have dinner soon."

And "Oh I never see his face anymore, just his back.  He's always on the computer."

This is usually said in a tone that implies that A. being on the computer isn't quite as useless a waste of time as playing cards or watching football and B. the phrase itself, "on the computer," really means its opposite, as in "Get off the computer now I want to talk to you."

I told the other guy, who can identify himself in the comments if he's sure his wife won't catch him on the computer, that our wives aren't the only ones who like that diminishing, dismissive little catchphrase.

Ma Mannion has always referred to the work Old Pop Mannion does at home as his being "on the computer" and he's a computer scientist!

I've never heard Pop Mannion complain but he has sometimes spoken up sharply---well as sharply as Pop Mannion ever gets with Ma Mannion---to say that he's not on the computer, he's writing a new algorithm or troubleshooting some code.

The other guy and I and don't have such a cool defense.  It's not as dignified to reply, "I'm not on the computer, I'm blogging."

Maybe I'm oversensitive, but it seems to me that this anything but innocent use of the seemingly innocent phrase "on the computer" is a case of what Jeeves says a woman sees as her duty---the reining in of male enthusiasm.

I'd have more to say about this but the blonde just came in and asked if I'm going to be on the computer all night.

Comments

[Wren]

"On the computer" is not applied, in that vaguely denegrating manner, only to men. I am also subject to "Are you still on the computer!?" or "Yeah, she's on the computer." This has been going on for years now.
My mother calls. "What are you doing?"
"Reading the news," I say.
"Are you on the computer?" The tone is one of accusation.
I've tried, "I'm blogging" as a response but that has no more power over sighs, rolled eyes or dirty looks than "I'm writing!" ever has, even though both are quite true.
So I've learned to turn it back: "Are you still on the TV?"
At least I can argue that I'm engaging my brain.

[Mike Schilling]

I'm tired of all this sex on the computer. I keep falling off.

[coturnix]

Oh, so they ALL say it, not just my wife....

[mustang sally]

I agree w/ Wren - i get the "on the computer" comment from my husband (who watches TV)- it is not a gender thing. The query "What is the difference between looking at a computer screen & looking at a TV screen?" gets me a blank look or some sputtering so i answer for him. "When you look at the computer you choose your content & it can be interactive. When you look at the TV you are stuck w/ whatever is on." And by the way, Wren, i'm stealing your "on the TV" line.

[Jennifer]

Grizzled occasionally asks me if I am on the computer, but the majority of the time I hear, "Are you busy talking to your internet friends again??" Or... he'll just walk past the room and ask how my IF's are doing.

[grasshopper]

I get the same thing, but it's always cautionary: Don't get on the computer before breakfast. You'll never eat.
Don't get on the computer after dinner, you'll never sleep.
The complaint is not without merit, though. I'll start writing something and what feels like ten minutes turns out to be closer to ninety.

[Doug K]

my wife and I both worked in the software business, so we used the phrase on each other quite without prejudice.
Now it's only me left in the business, but my wife is on the computer at home far more than I am, writing up chemistry etc labs.. hm.

[Tom W.]

What drives me to distraction about it - and YES, it was me - is that I like to think I'm being constructive, productive, involved when I'm "on the computer."

After all, I'm writing, or fixing up one of my sites, or catching up on work from the office. Sometimes, I'm reading RSS feeds (though I always fall behind - latest evidence is how long it took for me to respond to this post, which was half about ME). I could be starting at Seinfeld reruns while drooling and scratching my belly (ok, sometimes I do that). Or I could be reading (do that a lot).

There is some quality to the instrument involved - some antipathy flowing from its connected, technilogical nature. Maybe it's that it takes us away - virtually of course - whereas the tube or the books leave us comfortably sprawled on the couch. Definitely THERE.

It's just that uttering the absented-minded "uh-huh, love..." without paying attention is a much greater sin when I'm "on the computer" than when I'm reading Vanity Fair. Go figure.

[hilllady]

Y'all must have forgotten about dialup. Around here, "Are you on the computer?" still means, "I need to use the phone."