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Matt

great stuff, again!

Uncle Merlin

Oh gawd he's writin' about the Rah-Hah's agin!
Hey Lance did you ever see the movie "Barfly"?

I'll rent it for ya.
Be sure to put a flood in this one.


grasshopper

Now I'd--oh I don't know, something drastic, shave my head, maybe--to read your story IN ORDER. When you first indicated that your first installment fit about 3/4ths into the story, I conjectured that maybe that's where it should start. (Writers are always offering other writers this kind of misleading, unasked for advice.) But you know exactly what you're doing. I was hooked before, but now I've got it stuck in my head in mismatched order. Your true beginning is fast and interesting and no one's going to stop reading it at this point. So bravo! And, if you continue to show your fiction (which as you know, I for one, would be thrilled if you did), remember whatever meets your demands, and only your demands, is always right. People giving advice are talking about themselves. Even the best writers, I'm guessing, tend to focus mostly on their most recent, personal, story-making struggles. Consider posting it start to finish. What you discover then might make a difference as long as you stick to your own voice, the shapes and images as they develop in your head, and dismiss suggestions from people who can't possibly know as much about your short story as you do.

Michael Bains

I know there's a lot of really good fiction out there which I'd never read because of the genre. I caught on to one of those spy writers (lots of military insider stuff) for a short bit on a friend's rather emphatic rec, and got 3 more outta the libray before a new one by one of my usual faves showed up on the shelves. I don't even remember his name now! But I'm glad I read him, cuz he was a much better writer than his genre would've led me to believe was likely.

I'm glad you post bits of your fiction here. I hope I get to read the whole thing soon.

Idyllopus

You have a nice way with dialogue, Lance.

Claire

I'm really loving it. Thanks for sharing.

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